run and run and cling on it cling on someting tat u wont need ...
as usual i dream of u the dream is reoccuring every night even during the time i took a short nap after i finish my exam even in that 15 min i can dream alot.. recently i dream i fly around in search of you disappointed on the things i suddenly woke up and find myself in the exam hall sweating.. even when im in an air con hall.. i told my fren abt my dream.. and she say "norman u need a vacation" -_- LOL`.
but alright yesterday had a dance practice becoz zaki managed to book the dance room .
i felt excited abt the performance but at the same time nervous for monday =/
im retaking my mother tounge after tons of hesitation.. but i decide to giv it a shot hoping i would at least get a b3 :).
lately i feel disoriented as usual.. i find myself behaving creepily and entertain thoughts beyond anyone can believe.. even i feel like im going crazy .. i guess its the effect of mental compression .. nobody can understand .. its jus i don show it out to ppl and say hey i wanna kill u..
sometime i wonder if gods do exist ? i sit down at the corridor looking at the sky thinking what if i die what will i see ? .. i dun noe..
i feel like im a burden . my grandma is so money pinching .. even at her age..
as for myself i live my day trying to keep myself contented.. though theres still this empty feeling in me .
well ppl arnd me been asking why are u not studying ? dont u need to study ? my answer will be no because i want to keep my stress level to the minimal.. people will give me a O.o look ahah . but i jus smile .. well to be truthful my stress level is at its maximum and im containing it im trying to turn my stress into someting fun so it wont affect my emotions.. if it start affecting my emotions not only my studies will be jeopardize i think i wont even see any rationale..
well recently i've been entertaining thoughts of death and stuff. i dont know why ..
when i sit down and think 3 possible things came up..
love/family/friends and the closest is love..
but the thoughts are well contained .
18 yrs of my life i nvr get the feel of being love by someone i love..
its always 1 sided ..
since im currently sipping on my cola.. i guess i just type out what is still fresh in my mind...
pri 6 the girl i liked was someone i trusted.. i confess and she say yes which made me feel in cloud 9.. to my horror shes just messing with my feelings. though at that point of time i was still young it had affected my ego badly..
up to sec 3 i nvr did dare open myself.. fear of the same feeling..
eventually i saw this girl..a family fren i suppose.. shes a nice girl initially i thought.. i secretly showed affection we had alot of fun we went to the beach with our family for camping i still rmb during the night we just sit at this bench viewing the sea under the stars.. it was nice.. after months of admiring . i decide to confess only to find out she jus use me to cover her past hurts.. and say she like anothed guy instead... i smiled and pat her and say u made ur choice im glad.. but my heart feels like being shredded by thousands of blade.. but i keep cool..
months later i saw this quiet person whom till now i still liked. but nvr dare show my affection anymore. i rlly fear the same repeat of history. eventually 2 years has passed.. i fear of letting u go i cling on the impossible..
hoping a miracle would happen at least for once i would feel it.
though my instinct tells me that do not bother boy feeling..
ill guess i let nature take it course as of now... the stinging feeling is affecting me.. but up to here (:
today i had my maths paper 2 ! haha in he morning i saw matt and veron otw to skool and sneaked behind them.. and when i suddenly talked their reactions were cute.. i started laughing haha ! then i went back to class to find my class locked -_- and had to make my way to the hall.. while preparing for my paper i received a pat at the back someone saying goodluck.. i flustered and saw veron haha but she move so fast that i couldnt even react o.o.. and just mumbled out goodluck =/
well tmr is history ! i guess my seq im gonna flunked becoz i cant seem to find the notes that i needed ...... my textbook is missing ! guess how lucky i can get !.
i guess up to i hear i would bllog abt today.
as time fly i began to cry
the world im in is dark to dark that it almost consume me.
im clinging on you to see the light but i came kicking me back
down tumbling again and again to the darkness.
[Style No' Nizzle] Normie...
rained at 11:20 pm
