Why good news nvr come my way ? huh
everyting seem so against me .
gahs im tired la ! please .
i drank almost half a bottle of vodka and mixture of martini during the class chalet and got myself drunk .. the effect of someone whos heart is full of things untold . i regretted it at the same time i rlly wish i would haf jus died there . but thankfully i haf a bunch of caring frens who willing to help me clean up my vomit .. and carry to wash me gahs i feel indebted still . thanks shafiqah wei liang jia wen moses and bao wen . these are the voices i heard when i was half awake . i will put it as my priorities to treat you guys for dinner when i get my first pay when i start working . (:
but still why do ppl have to flaunt their happiness so much in front of me ? spite me maybe not intentionally but sometime please be considerate i hope .
certain things and jokes shud not be taken to an extend in turn hurting onces feeling . you noe the face when you heard "im disappointed" rlly hit me alot . im also disappointed in myself i admit and i got no right to be angry with anyone ! even if everyone is to hate me ill still give in . i hate being hard hearted and i rlly cant hate for a long duration ..
at first i tot it was a sign of good news now it jus crashes like a lorry crashing on me . its that bad but i don blame anyone except myself .
in the train i had a tired day carrying a heavy bag home coz my bag got soiled .. in the train i slept and halfway i heard tis malay girl say " omg he sleep like so danger " i was like argh why the hell u sit beside me if ur afraid of me sleeping . trying to be considerate i strain my eyes all the way to woodlands alone .
when i walk in the city area everywhr theres couple ..
i sometime wonder when will it rlly be my turn .
and my fren ansel haha . my fren ansel is a nice guy too and i wonder why ppl bully him gah i understand abit of his pain . though i admit he can bore you to death ! but overall my fren is a nice person his intention is good ! so no more bullyin ok zz . wan bully bully me bttr ar ! haha .
anywayy i rlly wishes sometin good is smilin somewhr bahs been a few months of pain and im enduring strng still .. as much as i wish to die when i was drunk vomitting in pain my will tells me to keep going hence forcing to lift myself from whr i fall . physical body is wat i dread the most its weak ! my emotions are running wildly ! but im staying strong becoz of my will which i do not noe for whom yet . hais . yes yes i noe i sound emotional but this is my space whr my feelings is thrown at whoever reads it might find it a drag so pls do not read it anymore thnx .
and i hope if anyone have anyting against me do tell me in the face even if its hurting i hate hearing it from third parties . its more hurting and questions left hanging . though i got no rights to get angry at anyone ! even if anyone wan to blame me on everyting im willing to swallow it . maybe im suppose to function this way bahs . ppl i love will drift away from me slowly but knowingly . my family .. frens .. and the one i love .. will slowly drift away like in the ocean . im sitting on a boat all by himself struggling to survive hoping for miracle to happen at least once for him to cherish . hais .
nobody would care ba how i feel . but if anyone need to rant or hit or watever jus tell me . im willing to be a punching bag already becoz right now i m feelin like one . im not downgrading myself but certain things perhaps is meant to be . thats how i feel . the person that can rlly make me smile is not there . kept and broken is part of the ultimate plan of god on me .
hence my life which im still trying to cherish in whatever i can which i tink i cant .
but my frens and family and the person i love is wat im willing to protect and die for . my suffering is jus a picture and i've been enduring it for very long till i tink i've accustomed to it .
certain things i feel like im an idiot sometime i feel that im jus being extra hence secluding myself . the hate and anger i can sense it but i dunno hw to overcome it i felt rlly lose and no one there to gif me a support.
tears of pain drip and no one will understand it .
but im willing to endure more pain in times to come .
i want to protect what i love by the meant of destroying myself but nvr destroying my will .
[Style No' Nizzle] Normie...
rained at 8:07 pm
