Welcome To My World ! (:

Darren Ng Wei Jie Incident , 1 Nov 2010 News. my condolences to his family and R.I.P dude

2010-11-03T02:50:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile since I last blog that shows I've been leading a happy life partly its true haha. What made me decide to blog was Darren Ng Wei Jia Staring Incident. I read about it after my PBM exams right before i took my afternoon nap cause I didn't get to sleep before the exam. Insomnia much. But nevertheless when I first read it I was shocked. Right after my nap when I woke up I had this heavy feeling about the incident which can't be described. Its true I do not know Darren . But its true that we were born on the year of sheep and having the same age. I could imagine if it was me in his shoe and how my life would immediately be gone. He did not deserve this he had a bright future ahead of him. His parents painstakingly raise him up and nurture him to what he is today all gone in a night.

My mum always say "if any of my son is gone I'll be devastated for all you know I might just be mentally insane." Thats when i start thinking , "So Norman don't think about dying" .

After the news on Monday I've been pondering about it, about my future my life because its precious after all. I had a girlfriend recently and I treasure her. My girlfriend even asked me "why are you so into it?(it refers to the incident)" . In my mind I got no idea. It just hit me that something needs to be done. Even my own brothers was angry about the incident and start thinking that they should serve the SPF. My mum laughed at him but it also hit me that I should join the SPF. I realise I want to do something. Something big, a place that everyone deserve to live in. I won't be surprise after my medical check up I would try applying for SPF.

From this incident I believed everyone have something to learn from it. Treasure yourself, Avoid troubles, Managing your emotions is important and Even motivation. Yes to me its a motivation. A motivation to track down any scum of societies as long I have the physical ability too do so I'll render my service.

This was from the bottom of my heart and after writing this I feel at ease. My condolences to Darren's Family and Friends. I had my share of grievances too. Nobody deserve to die by the hands of others.

This is not DOTA ! You provoke me, I kill you and you respawn. zzz.

Oh another note is a girl blogger named Ann Tan Hui Ping, 19 Yrs old, annrants.blogspot.com, which caught my attention due to her insensitive blog post. It was totally stupid of her to even write such things ! The amount of haters will rise she would just put her own life, family and even her loved ones, boyfriend in huge danger. First her photos are there 2nd her Facebook is there all of her personal information about her can easily be fished out. Although we are of the same age as Darren including me, I was appalled by her childish mentality. She failed to put herself in someone else shoes. Her insensitive thoughts and feelings about hypocrisy was uncalled for. Everyone is hypocrite ! but we have to limit ourselves to a certain extend ! The way she post was totally outrageous it even enraged me that such senseless people existed. I believe we as human do not have the right/authority to pass judgment on others be it death or what we do ! unless we are the law. You can refer to her blog post,

http://www.bloglovin.com/m/1862825/139721395/fb/0/aHR0cCUzQSUyRiUyRmFubnJhbnRzLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbSUyRjIwMTAlMkYxMSUyRmFib3V0LWRhcnJlbi1uZy13ZWktamllLWluY2lkZW50Lmh0bWw=

Nevertheless I HOPE she comes to her senses eventhough it may be too late cause her blog hit is on the rise. I'm looking forward for the trial of the 4 suspects. As I'm writing this I realised it its almost 3AM ! my economics examination is tomorrow ! I couldn't study properly for economics cause I'm more of a essay writing type of person >.> . Period I'm already prepared for Supplementary paper because we have a 2nd chance.

Nevertheless I'll end this blog and I really hope Darren's family and friends will get over this hard times and stay strong and to Darren hope you are happy up there and realised all that has happen is nothing but a dream to you. I believe this is fate and part and parcel of life. To the people out there thinking gangs are cool trust me think twice and if you are currently inside one quickly get out and stop your ideas of being cool that way. My brother had his fair share and he already repented and I'm glad he is and I'm looking forward too his release.

In memory of Darren Ng, I'll post the youtube tribute by his own brother.

With Loves,
Norman

this post is reserved

2010-06-08T17:55:00.004+08:00

Today is tuesday ! it feels as if 1 day had passed since super junior left .
I'm still having this suju fever in me !
Cant wait for SUPER SHOW 3 !
Cant wait for my own DSLR and be my own Sniper !
Cant wait to save up for Korean trip ! . all for this year .
because nxt yr most probably i have to enrol for NATIONAL SERVICE :( . sadded !!

Nevertheless ill enjoy wat is in store for me this year (: . K Pop has really make me more of a happy person now haha ! . no idea why !! . :D

Part 3

2010-06-08T17:37:00.002+08:00

6th of June - SUPER JUNIOR ! SAMSUNG GALAXY S SHOWCASE AT MARINA BAY SAND

Never to be forgotten showcase ! Simply love Kim Ryeowook&Lee Donghae Live !!!! argh .
Love the Cake cutting for Ryeowook Birthday so sweet hehe ! love the heart shape he did for the fans .

Ok lets start from the beginning !
initially i wanted to come at 5pm or so ... but John a fren I just made a very quiet guy i tell u he can sit there without talking for hours and i nearly when insane jus because i didnt talk ! i was hoping he would say something and not sit still for hours !!! . at about 5.30 or so the media came interviewing fans at random... to my horror i heard them saying "lets approach this two guy they seems to be together apart from the fan girls in chinese" .. i was like oh shit ! don approach ... the stoning john suddenly whisper "argh sorry ! " and he ran to the toilet when the media came .. i was like " omg damnedd you john :( " *turn left and right block by fan girls no whr to run* the media said with a grin "since your still here lets do an interview" .. i was like omg T_T ... but i nvr made a fool out of myself heng ! it totally felt like o level oral exam HAHAH only with a camera and 2 more people around ! . I'm proud of myself for taking the interview professionally HAHAHA .

DURING THE SHOWCASE .
STANDARD fangirls scream till their lung was abt to come out ..
the fanboys jus stand there observing !
John was snapping clear shots like a sniper i tell you ... he was so quiet -.- and start shooting piak piak .. like sniper with silencer ! .
I was cursing in my heart when this fat indian girl (no racist pun) just cant take it when she push me forcefully and she was reek with bad body odour.. forcing me to the side and end up behind john ... i was forced to climb from john shoulder like a koala jus to take peek -.- .. seriously you don have to behave like a babarian to the extend of pushing and letting your armpit reek at other face ! .. god . thank god it didnt spoil my mood at that time and manage to take a phew shot .

The whole showcase ended me and john headed home happy (: hoping to go to SNSD concert if they ever came to singapore ! . and Super Show 3 ! heh . thanks to john i already felt like saving up to buy a DSLR ! . i also want to be a "sniper" ok ! :X .

Photos from my Samsung Galaxy S .

Photos From My Fren John (Cai YingChuan) simply love his photos and skill <3

BEGINNING OF JUNE PART 2

2010-06-08T17:24:00.004+08:00

5th of June - Outing with SG/Breeks CWP to bid Shah Gallagher farewell for his National Service .

Initially I reached at 3pm and when to the "titanic" . Siti Sabariah had asked me to but to my horror i didnt see a single soul ! . So i tot everyone came late till 15 min later i received An's msg that they were at the other side of mrt station . :S .
After the long waits and such we headed towards somewhr which i dont even noe for KTV ! . had loads of fun heh . i sang abt 2 songs or so . LOL . after that we went for dinner at arab street ! . ok first the food was fine ! but the portions of 4 set having 16 people to share is horrible ! everyone exited the restaurant complaining about hungry stomachs :X nevertheless we headed for shisha session ! :D . my first time to be honest it was fun ! heh smoke coming out from my nose and mouth so fun LOL ! .

after about 1 hour session of shishaing we headed home (: . Thanks Kak ele and her husband for sending me home ^^ .

Heres some photos we took !

Me and Zubaidah failed funny faces :X

Siti Sabariah and Shah lovey dovey !

Gilbert and Kak Ele ! Jason Mraz and Beyonce ! ahaha

Beginning of June

2010-06-08T17:07:00.007+08:00

Basically the month of june has started on a right note (:

3rd June 2010 - Receival of my Samsung Galaxy S from Singtel <3

so delighted that I went to sleep with a smile ! :D . after uploading the pic to facebook hehehe .

4th of June - Outing with Ex-CCHY Classmate .

Originally the plan was to watch "Killers" at Cineleisure but unfortunately the movie seating had sold out :( . So after pool session we all head towards pastamania to have dinner ! dinner was alright me and hajar bought Hawaiian pizza and cheesestick ! :D . After that everyone plans was to go to Yin Quan house to slack ! but some of us drop out from the idea . me and hajar when to Junction 8 GV to watch "Killers" . One word to describe the movie SUPERBSS <3

a group photos we took at somerset !

I simply love the fun I had with you peeps <3>

Broken doors..

2010-04-16T16:41:00.003+08:00

tired and exhausted today . not due to work / study or anyting .
standard lor .

didnt put my hopes high i was bored and merely played with my pen and paper with that person beside me .. so i wrote my name and a heart shape and the first letter looks almost similar like that person first name but its a diff word .
that person saw it which i mention on the prev post ...
i covered the word except the heart shape and my name ..
and that person immediately guess that person name...
so i was like oh... god..
that person was like..
"huh my name ? FK ?!?"
in my mind isnt that a lil bit to far sort of hurt my feelings ..
so i immediately release the word..
and the person was like ah god u scared me..

i was like in my heart .. oh well i guess that was for an answer i guess..

so there goes my day today .. stupid and totally sad . =/ .

new beginning once again..

2010-04-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

since school started . life was fun and full of meaning . always looking forward to school coz of many eye candy . hoping for one to be a friend of mine .. not succeeding much except one or two cutie .

well these few days i feel quite happy :) . tot i found someone nice the type of person i actually wanted . but i dont dare to put high hopes yet . do not want to feel pain again . i will see how it goes :)

accumulated once again..

2010-03-23T00:27:00.002+08:00

well i come to realise i only blog when my inner heart is about to be full of agony or such ... and this blog is jus like the recycle bin where i throw my feelings in and read again in future ..

basically my live is jus avg work/home basically almost everyday as if i have no life ! gosh ..

nearing to the starting of school life may seem to be getting better an such ..
as usual im envying all the couples out there hais =.= i dun even noe why isit so hard for me .. no matter how hard i try i cant lie to myself but i seem to love you still .. till now ..

though we all seem so normal and happy now i really like this feeling coz i feel treated more like a friend now .. though at times i wish i can go to you and jus express my feelings out .. but i told myself the outcome would be a total knock out :/ ..
i dunno but you seem to noe i "might" like you is jus that i denied it time and again .. i don care if you read my blog though i noe you wont .. but ya no matter how you treat me good or bad i still feel that im intoxicated by you .. i feel so stupid of this love and still it feels so forbidden .. but i cant get rid of it ..

love is indeed blind even if your knocked time and again ..
i feel so lucky when i get to sit right beside you but at the same time it feels so near yet so far .. i got so many things planned if were tgt but i noe it can nvr be put in place..
soon skool will start your new life will begin i only can look for the worst..
i noe you may find your right person and no time for the rest of us .
i noe i will bleed in agony once again if this happen but i will keep it to myself..
for else i love you way to much to even cause hurt to you except myself ..
i don mind even if your willing to hurl abuses at me im more than willing to keep quiet for everyting ..
coz this is the only thing i will do for the person i really would die for .

may i soon forget you and we remained jus as frens but it seems really hard.. coz i do not want to complicate things any further ..
3 yrs since i first lay eyes on you .. 2 yrs since we became fren .. 1 yr since we became enemy .. and now frens again .. despite this long period of time i only noe my heart is staying strong towards you .. my words may jus be spiking your feeling but it hurt me more to say it.. coz if not it be to obvious hais .

grab the star and let it slip through my finger like the wind ..
may you break my heart once again or giv me a chance to be with you even for awhile .
is the only way for me to break this painful chain .

16 ~ 17 ~ 18 now 19 .. my heart is only filled by you .

new year new beginning ? ya right .

2010-01-30T01:57:00.003+08:00

well been so many days since i last blog i GUESS . which is true =.= . and ya i tend to blog only unhappy stuff i dunno y ?

today is the 30th day of the new year . 2010 doesnt seem to be much good . no happiness . only pain confusion once again .

let me start from my o lvl result . i got a 26 point and my jae jus posted me to ITE Bishan . i was shocked and had sleepless night . i tried to appeal but they told me im not eligible coz i did not meet the entry requirement . which is bullshit when school tend to emphasise on CUT OF POINT ! . oh well that aside .. i rlly want to get into a poly . seeing all my frens able to enter poly put me in such envy . why did MOE haf to giv me some hope by putting in my JAE that im eligible to apply for POLY courses ? and jus to crush my hope by sending me to a ITE ? if in the first place they had not given me this much hope i wouldnt be in this disappointment ..
dis two days seems like a dread to me . i may appear strong and stuff but deep down in my heart its bleeding . again .

in my mind at first i rlly nid to secure a diploma i do not want to spend another year ! since i've retained during sec 3 :( . so i tot of going for private diploma a t MDIS . i tot im going to happy since my family is going to support me in this . but theres other thing im not able to fulfil my dream by joining a dance CCA . or even get a partner perhaps ? well throughout my 19 yrs in life i don even noe how does being in a relationship feels like . its always me and myself its always so one sided . so i feel like such a ...

that aside if i go to private diploma i will be spending 1 yr obtaining it then 2 yrs in NS and after that i have to start working life . i fear my future will be bleak ? like theres no aim of some sort ? i dun noe . i just cant believe im already an adult now .

people wont understand that how envy i get when i see ppl in poly ..
at work i see couples eating tgt so loving and sweet ..
my eyes dont tear but my heart does . no matter how hard i try i noe theres always
nth in store for me .
i tried believing in fate and god . but yeah so far it doesnt get bttr but worst .
today i felt so heavy and sad at work . i put on a strong front ..
but poor faishal keep getting shouted by me .. coz he joked with me but i took it as an indirect insult but its so automatic of me to jus scold all the words out even vulgalarities .. i assume my colleagues think im a babarian of some sort ..
then jus now we watched movie theres my colleague whom is afraid to go home alone so i told her i will sent her by cab since its otw to my house . as a friendly offer ..
and she asked me "are you for real?" .. den i say " do you think im joking ? dont i look serious enough .. " then she say " ya u tend to joke alot :/ " .. den im like ok perhaps im a douche bag of some sort which i dont even realise .. i keep getting remarks like " are you the real norman why are you so nice today " .. i keep wondering have i been bad all this while ?? or did i just hurt ppl with my words or gesture .. but nobody will understand this heart of mine .

i feel like im walking ard with a mask all this while .. i feel so tired .
when i keep quiet and start myob .. ppl will start to ask "norman why r u so quiet? r u ok?"
when i start to talk ppl will go "norman shh norman w/e norman ..."
so what in the world im suppose to do ?! .

i dunnno rlly . i cant seem to make much decision . now
i really wish something good is really in store for me . coz basically im really tired of this life games .

love .. nvr works out for me .
friends .. nvr seem to try to understand my plight .
family .. seems to be complacent .
i dun even noe whr i belong ...
even after i write all this my heart is still feeling heavy ..
im just praying if theres rlly nth in store for me just take me away from this misery . coz i really feel like such a loser in my own world . even i try to believe in my strength its always crushes ..

i will always giv my full support to everyone .
i will always try to see happiness in everyone .
i mention that i dont mind . actually i mind .
i may say i don care but i care .
even if im suppose to be in alot of pain i don mind as long as ppl stay happy .
becoz if ppl are sad it will double my pain .
i guess thats jus wat is going on .

i rlly envy those two .. hais .

looking across the sky wondering whr is mine .

perhaps

2009-12-15T02:20:00.002+08:00

i guess . bahs . its jus all a wishful thinking (: . nvm bahs . i expected all this . i dunno . its painful feeling . and rlly tiring zzz . nvm . nobody will care anyway =.= .. just me and myself once again . i dun even noe why i bother helping people . why i bother wanting to see ppl smile . but just see myself in pain and sadness . hais . and lastly why am i so soft hearted ? .. i rlly nid some answer ..
at work people bully this girl . i noe shes beyond irritating like one kind . but at times we are all human being . we have feelings why must we treat each other this way ? . i don care wat people do to me . but please treat the rest like how you want people to treat you . hais .

i get a scolding from my senior for helping her doing part of her job .
her job is a runner and i do runner alot of time and its super tough . especially during busy period . why are you all so selfish ? . you all are the senior and you don have to do this underdog job whr the juniors have to do . watever i do right or wrong also get a scolding i nvr retaliate . i cant be bothered really . but i love my job no matter what . hais .

i dont noe .. people tell me be hard hearted and stuff and i really cant . no matter hw i hate a person i cant really potray my hatred . its all squish into a tiny ball and poof .

i give up sometime .. today at work get scolding yest also . hais i dunno wat i do ..
to slow wrong to fast wrong ..
either way also wrong ..
i work to actually stop feeling lonely at home and start emoing bla bla .
but work jus deepen my pain . only at times it can be nice seeing this particular person smile but yeah im nt putting my hope to high hais . well i rlly hope someting good would be in store for me . really .
every night i think and wonder . wats wrong with me dats repelling people arnd me :/ .
people break promises with me .. only to find out they have their own agenda and im left out ..
i lent people my listening ear . but i cant find one that can lent me theirs .
i dun noe ..
maybe its just meant to be ba ..

Wonder how and wonder why :X

2009-12-14T02:08:00.004+08:00

Well its been 2 weeks . since my feelings for you has disappear .. theres an empty hole left in my heart . waiting for it to be fill up .
i hope i can find a person whom can fill this up =) . i admit its a lil rush . but yeah
the feeling of emptiness really kills you noe .
i feel so dumb at work so aimless ! .
but yea .
perhaps this christmas someting special might wait for me ? . i dunno .
god has many way to show you .
i used not to believe in god . and believe in nth .
but somehow i receive msgs from facebook . whats god daily msg for you .
coincidentally its seem so related to my feelings for that day and it kept me strong .

well . i burn my finger like 3 days ago and its recovering (: .
i wonder . get to noe a person recently .
seems nice and funny (: .
i dunno . perhaps we can just be fren hahas or more . well its just a dreamlike world for me .
i fear falling for wrong person again .
its like the 4th time recently .
nvr once get to feel real love bahs .
but nvm . im still living right despite my rubbish past . bleh (: .
plus i love ~ ring ding dong by shinee uh ~ and bad romance by lady gaga :D nvr fail to get me in the dancing mood =x .
and recently got the urge of playing basketball . really basket ! last time i play was last year :(

well i dont noe . wish upon the shooting star . perhaps this year would end on a good note (: if not oh well heart pain is part and parcel of life bahs . all we can do is move on and chiong ba . (hope i don chiong till bang wall) =( .

hehex .

ok ~ . time to go and rest bahs .
may god bless me with someone this christmas xD .
haha ! (stop dreaming norman) .

*bish* :D .

nites ! =D>

Double the pain .

2009-11-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

Being me is really painful .
nobody care .
the words they use doesnt really flare .
to them its just a word
to me its a dessert .
a dessert of pain .
with nothing to gain .

im force to keep everyting to myself again .
i want to keep it a status quo .
its tiring painful . but for the sake of not being selfish .
do you even care ? to you i'm talking to myself .
but i am force too . becoz all this years it has been a one sided love .
since pri 6 all the way till now .
certain events lead to what i am today .
i hate being me its painful really .
nobody will really feel the actual pain .
i want to be like everyone else .
but i cant .. the devil speaks thousand of words making me think of you .
but i really want to erase you .
the devil is everywhere in a form of your fren or your family .
making you heat up for nothing .
really sick of it .
do you even care ? .
I noe if you even read this you might think i'm just mumbling rubbish .
theres alot of hidden meaning here .
my true self want to be with you . while the other tryin to reject you .
its very hard battling . unless i make it clear to you .
will you take it in strive i wonder ? .
it concerns me and you .
my future . and perhaps yours .
i do not want to be selfish . hence i want to keep tis pain .
we seem so merry all the time in this cyber world .
but in reality its just a pain waiting to be inflicted .
i keep telling myself this .
but my true self seems to rebut .
its tiring . really tiring .
sometime wishing to just end it all .
perhaps the selfish way of hiding this forbidden secret .
a love which forbids all tings .
will just be bury with me .
a stupid thought but at time hold truth .

after much say .
i try very hard to keep us as status quo trying to inflict dmg to myself with past memories .
the humiliation the pain you cause . do you even remember ?
i do .
even if we cant i really hope you will treat me like everyone else .
thats my final wish .
but i doubt it will come true .
the god the people and everyting doesnt seem to grant me anyting .
perhaps i asked way to much last time hence the suffering now .
baby i wish to call you . your smile is sweet . no matter what its pure to me .
the smile i hope to conjure from you will nvr exist .
because the devil is the other person which seems to be laughing at me now coz he successfully inflict some pain .
i battle it alone .
i wish to talk to someone but i cant . i do not want to be selfish .
to end this battle is to be selfish . but i DO not want to be that .
like you all are selfish to me so be it . i swallow it as a whole package of pain given by the devil .
see me smile see me laugh see me play is all part of the puppet show .
i feel like retiring .
really .
i really hate pouring my feelings out . its stupid . really stupid .
i really hope an angel will just appear to grant me my last wish . will it ?
been 3 years and going . the first wish was granted to be frens with you .
the 2nd wish doesnt work to be with you perhaps im going to resign to it .

to be truthful the last time i felt really happy was last year .
to be exact 2009 is a bad year for me .
pain pain and pain .
just like 2003 .
isit meant to be this way ?
i wonder .
will it end ? will ppl accept me ?
perhaps some .

i admit i really think of you day in and out hoping for that smile to be on me as you do it to others . perhaps its the best gift .
but no you treat me like im a parasite .
i got no choice but to lay my head low .
why am i still loving you despite everyting ?
perhaps its the grand plan of the devil to drag me to hell .
to commit sin to die early . i don noe .
perhaps it was my doing 3 years ago to get what i want .
perhaps tis is my repayment .
nobody noe what i did 3 years ago .
and here i shall say .
i mess with the supernatural .
and it works .
and i regretted it .
perhaps now is the time i repay my debt .
the thousand of voices and pain . calling me .
i cry and cry . i love my family my fren and lastly you .
i noe if i have to leave forcefully i am being selfish .
if not i am being selfish too .
no matter what choices and decision i try to make .
its all selfish .

i really want to go out now to shout *I LOVE YOU* .
but i cant really cant .
all i forsee is a smack a torture nvr ever before .
a humiliation nobody suffer before .
tis is what i see .

am i really of that a faithful lover ?
or maybe its just me ?
i dont noe .
so far all my love or crushes . seems so nice .
only to inflict me pain one by one .
except the particular one which i resort to supernatural .
and hence the bigger pain and karma hitting me now .
i dont blame anyone but myself .
this few days i felt pain in the chest .
breathing seems like a chore .
if you want to mess with me this way .
do take it away .
though i may go with an opposite smile on my face .
at the very least i pay my debt .
and the selfish debt i owe perhaps will be carried on .
it may nvr be an ending cycle .

even if i have to go .
i really wish to see that last smile .
on everyone face .
its calling me again .
saying the only way to end all tis is for a miracle to happen .
a miracle that my forseeing is wrong .
but i guess it will really nvr happen .
i'm sorry if i ever hurt anyone unintentionally .
may you all hate me or disrespect me .
i dont blame anyone .
perhaps its the devil grand plan .

Ans: to jinyao blog .

2009-11-15T13:32:00.002+08:00

its not what everyone wants . in this world majority of the human race are SELFISH . they show you care and this and that only to be told by a third party they are thinking otherwise . you do not noe what im truly feeling becoz i don show it . i dont blame you . but dont bother about me much and read more on yourself ok try to understand the one much more closer to you which is your gf . im just a fren whom we known for about a year but theres alot of thing we do not open to each other and perhaps it should stay that way . i noe if i die ppl will grieve . and such but its only a matter of time the memory will fade away . trust me i've seen this happening . only when i ask they don rmb . lol as im writing this my younger bro jus sit on me asking for a kiss haha . i come to realise theres a little bit of love ard me which i nvr appreciate . i must admit i love the people ard me den i love myself now . as you noe no matter what i say abt destroying myself theres still a will strong in me not the time to be destroy yet . so be assure i wont die anytime soon lols . and even if i do it will be alone at old age thats the worst case senario .

the world calls .

2009-11-15T13:17:00.002+08:00

selfish and selfless . are two diff meaning . perhaps im both . but its all on me not anyone . perhaps i nvr noe there is people ard me that still cares . but i appreciate it . perhaps like scott say im expecting to much . the little bits nvr come to form a cookie in my life . but im still contented to a certain extend . you wont understand the shoe i am in . you got what you want . and i cant get what i want . i noe your trying to help me as a fren i appreciate it . i apologise if i tend to get cold on you . but certain things is meant to be kept as i noe who should noe and who should not . its hard being me . trust me . jokes or not i nvr meant to hurt anyone even if i claim to do so . protection by meant sacrificing myself is not to be on purpose . its suppose to see the flow . in my book nobody is to be the second me . ill forbid that . even if the world is to come to an unhappy thing id rather i get the worst hit and no one arnd me . and i noe your reading this becoz i saw your blog . my words are full of hidden meaning similar to my heart . only the real person can read the true msg im trying to potray . i noe many ppl are trying to comfort me i appreciate it . but i rlly wish that this particular person would actually talk to me . even if you do not love i don care at the very least show a lil bit of concern and im contented as of therest of my life . becoz ive come to submit to my fate that we got no chemistry .

hope the day when i jus play play with my toy and cry when im hungry would just come back to me . its seem so much simpler . but all i can do is look forward to more pain and little bit of sugar .

i wont be surprise in the near future i'd be still the same old me as of right now .
certain ppl shud understand they are like that becoz they choose too and they are not lacking of anyting unlike me . so i hope you people would stand much more firm unlike me ok .

to be truthful there is certain thing which came to me to say im cursed to not have happiness . i choose not to believe this as of till now but i might just admit to it if it really meant to be my destiny . right destiny ?

months of pain and tryin to stay strong emotionally .

2009-11-14T20:07:00.001+08:00

Why good news nvr come my way ? huh
everyting seem so against me .
gahs im tired la ! please .
i drank almost half a bottle of vodka and mixture of martini during the class chalet and got myself drunk .. the effect of someone whos heart is full of things untold . i regretted it at the same time i rlly wish i would haf jus died there . but thankfully i haf a bunch of caring frens who willing to help me clean up my vomit .. and carry to wash me gahs i feel indebted still . thanks shafiqah wei liang jia wen moses and bao wen . these are the voices i heard when i was half awake . i will put it as my priorities to treat you guys for dinner when i get my first pay when i start working . (:

but still why do ppl have to flaunt their happiness so much in front of me ? spite me maybe not intentionally but sometime please be considerate i hope .
certain things and jokes shud not be taken to an extend in turn hurting onces feeling . you noe the face when you heard "im disappointed" rlly hit me alot . im also disappointed in myself i admit and i got no right to be angry with anyone ! even if everyone is to hate me ill still give in . i hate being hard hearted and i rlly cant hate for a long duration ..

at first i tot it was a sign of good news now it jus crashes like a lorry crashing on me . its that bad but i don blame anyone except myself .

in the train i had a tired day carrying a heavy bag home coz my bag got soiled .. in the train i slept and halfway i heard tis malay girl say " omg he sleep like so danger " i was like argh why the hell u sit beside me if ur afraid of me sleeping . trying to be considerate i strain my eyes all the way to woodlands alone .

when i walk in the city area everywhr theres couple ..
i sometime wonder when will it rlly be my turn .
and my fren ansel haha . my fren ansel is a nice guy too and i wonder why ppl bully him gah i understand abit of his pain . though i admit he can bore you to death ! but overall my fren is a nice person his intention is good ! so no more bullyin ok zz . wan bully bully me bttr ar ! haha .

anywayy i rlly wishes sometin good is smilin somewhr bahs been a few months of pain and im enduring strng still .. as much as i wish to die when i was drunk vomitting in pain my will tells me to keep going hence forcing to lift myself from whr i fall . physical body is wat i dread the most its weak ! my emotions are running wildly ! but im staying strong becoz of my will which i do not noe for whom yet . hais . yes yes i noe i sound emotional but this is my space whr my feelings is thrown at whoever reads it might find it a drag so pls do not read it anymore thnx .

and i hope if anyone have anyting against me do tell me in the face even if its hurting i hate hearing it from third parties . its more hurting and questions left hanging . though i got no rights to get angry at anyone ! even if anyone wan to blame me on everyting im willing to swallow it . maybe im suppose to function this way bahs . ppl i love will drift away from me slowly but knowingly . my family .. frens .. and the one i love .. will slowly drift away like in the ocean . im sitting on a boat all by himself struggling to survive hoping for miracle to happen at least once for him to cherish . hais .

nobody would care ba how i feel . but if anyone need to rant or hit or watever jus tell me . im willing to be a punching bag already becoz right now i m feelin like one . im not downgrading myself but certain things perhaps is meant to be . thats how i feel . the person that can rlly make me smile is not there . kept and broken is part of the ultimate plan of god on me .
hence my life which im still trying to cherish in whatever i can which i tink i cant .

but my frens and family and the person i love is wat im willing to protect and die for . my suffering is jus a picture and i've been enduring it for very long till i tink i've accustomed to it .
certain things i feel like im an idiot sometime i feel that im jus being extra hence secluding myself . the hate and anger i can sense it but i dunno hw to overcome it i felt rlly lose and no one there to gif me a support.

tears of pain drip and no one will understand it .
but im willing to endure more pain in times to come .
i want to protect what i love by the meant of destroying myself but nvr destroying my will .

wonders

2009-11-03T21:00:00.001+08:00

why when im already forgetting about you . you have to appear in my dream just to hurt my heart again ? .
as this point of time i seem to be complacent to you im fine with that but stop testing me .
i woke up towards the end of my exam rlly felt torn .. nobody will understand me ... except myself .

people mess with me .. now even my dream mess with me ..
at home i wanted to haf a good rest .. people seem to be so self centered its as if im a pest . i merely need a space of my own and u disturb me as if im a cockroach of some sort ..
i got no best bud to talk too and pour this feelings out except myself .
the person i really wishes to talk too will jus think im putting on air . but oh well .
exams wise was fine ..
i dun even noe why ! did suicide jus came across my mind .. its like the stupidest thing on earth ! . but the hurt jus bring my thoughts there .
people thinks im happy all the time yea . you can think so but i wont be there to be a spoil sport .

i rlly rlly rlly wish now something good might just come and calm this feeling down . hais ..
i hate being sad all the time but is this some sort of test ? .. why me ? my family is torn and your not satisfy with it now me !? . god if you truly exist your a despicable piece of shit . no matter how hard i try to stay happy you jus dip me in the poo . and that is from the bottom of my heart . !

i rlly wish i can gif my life to someone else who needed it more then i do if only theres such a thing bahs .. well blog theres only you and me . if only your a living person .. i feel far more contented that i had rant this but oh well . ill jus make do with it . hais .

despicable humans .

2009-11-01T14:33:00.001+08:00

im piss and piss and sick and sick !
mess with my feelings not once not twice . but thrice .
everyone is one of a kind .
i nvr tap into my dark side becoz i believe in karma ..
but don test me .. even if i shall be hit with bad energy ard me so be it .
im super pissed and angry .
i am not a mother fucking dog or a toy .
i hav feelings . you peeps are way to much .

my mum warned me not to dabble becoz i've got hurt once and i kept to that .
this time round is a lil wee tat to much . i shall wait and see if it continues you ppl
will see the light of me .

as of now im smiling with hatred . a person heart pierce with many needles .
thank god im not a female or ill turn into a vengeful ghost HAHA .

but the people arnd me who are nice will forever be treasured (: . these are the lights of my life .

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Baams

2009-10-28T12:44:00.001+08:00

so far O lvl has been manageable . i hope it will maintain it pace . but the future is uncertain hehe .

im glad that maths is finally going to come to an end (: <3
Im left with art !
humanities << my favourite HAHA
science << i can faint :P

oh well . i hope things will go all well and smooth sailing for me ^^ . and not to forget my friends (: .

recently i realise i've lost my interest in you or maybe the exams is taking a toll on me hahas . but im glad im not so like last time uncontrollable HAAH . well love is blind huh . sometime it blinded you to much =P

.

lastly good luck again to all o lvl candidates may you get the score you aim (: .

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Stewpidess day .

2009-10-21T21:18:00.001+08:00

On the good note .

I nvr haf anything good today eeks . ..

On the normal note .
I dropped my hp 3 times !!! AAAAA .

On the bad note ...
Hais family again .. ccb . im speechless jus wait after my exam i screw my grandauntie with her big mouth she deserve a tight slap . i dun even wan ur son to marry my mum i don gif a damn .

On the love note ..
i thought i forgotten you ..
a flash of you is enough to reconcile the feeling .. hais
. i dun want this anymore ..
please stop teasing with my feeling i haf enuf of problem :( .

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Hais .

2009-10-20T04:36:00.001+08:00

Well i dunno haha testing this flock feature browser seems cool . den firefox =x ;..

well today somehow u call me baby . well it makes me wonder what that means . i dunno .. i hope its a joke or ur giving me hopes for nth you noe =/ .

well thats all o lvl in abt 6 days time and 2 days till prac =] .. lots loves .

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i dunno..

2009-10-16T03:46:00.002+08:00

Oh well this week been alright i guess . today cancel the meet . bleh expected though i admit im disappointed but nah i got no right to be angry . Ill forgive you dont worry just feeling disappointed is inevitable but its expected . my prediction always dam zhun =/ . well you ask me who i am talking abt well what if i say its you . =/ i dunno bahs im sorry if i can be a lil irritating or alot haha . well its just me bahs maybe im to tired and feel "..." so hence behaving that way mehs ..

Well my maths has been improving yey (:
my humanities i got no idea on my content yet gotta start it on the weekend got a lil to read up to recall what i learn .
Science well im giving it a pass on my luck bahs ..
Art im working on it i guess the theme "running water" heehs gonna fin it by nxt week i hope .

Well ..
Life is feeling weird though .. i guess i haf no more feelings for you now it seems .
i dunno maybe the way im being treated hais ... well im stupid u noe hhas .
well this new person i dunno seems to be very busy . i don wan to be a nuisance so i keep it to myself (: . i dunno i guess i like this person hmm . well yeh you noe who u r i guess u like to peek on my blog for nth >.< " ...

Well yeh life is weird i hope someting good might come out from it ..
i hope o lvl will bring me to where i want (: .
i love dance <3
I love drawings .
hehe
and lastly i love .... r.. someting someting i dunno well yeh hahs i dunno if u dun lykk jus say it straight ok i dun mind but yea .. im getting use to it oredi blehs ..

I hope after o lvl i can work with my frens like last yr agn . it is fun ! :D .
we will see bahs ^^ .

2009-10-13T03:46:00.003+08:00

O level is nearing and im not even scared . why ? i just fear i cant get into the poly i wanted . but im confident in passing . well i wanted to let you go now erase you from my heart by force perhaps open for a new one . but yest i had to dream of you which hurt me when i woke up . oh well . recently been talking to this cool fren of mine . quite cute and cool hehe =x i dunno it seems i might just like this fren of mine . how ? :X . this person makes me smile laugh and joy and eventually feel comforted . baaahs .

ok then ! 2 weeks from now time to do a marathon on my maths and humanities and score at least 1 subject with an A2 !! Omg =x .

time flies when ur having fun .. people change when u least expected . times changes everything . its time to move on . i cant grab hold on time . for all you noe everyone is already gone in your life . oh well . though im yearning to let you go you ...will be a figment in my mind . ♥ friends family and anyone is a part of me and they all made what i am today .

i realise this year was a meaningful year for me . im happy i made some cool frens whom helped me with my teachers day dance <3
frens that made me laugh
frens that motivated me
frens that comforted me
frens that showed me love
frens whom would stand by my side

and lastly i come to realise i love chung cheng for once it made me wat i am today .

my teachers whom help me get through the hard times .
Miss Norfidah
Mdm Nur
Mrs Sim
Mr John Lim
Miss Zarina
Miss Wong .

thanks for being my guardian and my ear during my journey in this school (: .
i admit i was such a brat in my sec 3 years ^^ . but thank on not giving up on me .
6 Years in CCHY seems short much less 4 years for express students ! gaahs .

cheerios my peeps <3 may the future shine brightly i guess ? . for once i wrote something positive . eeks .

P.s WAA . i just met Alastair today hahas at first i was zz i tot im gonna approach the wrong person . the last time we met was like last yr ? hahas . he grown so mucchh ! so do i wahaha . :P Well we met during our habbo days in 2004 ~ now its 2009 . time rlly flies and his my first online fren which is long lasting with me . hahas im surprise (: . well i hope i can join back Affinity in the gaming world after O Lvl ! wee . <3

life move a step forward

2009-10-10T02:55:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day of school .
Im happy yet enveloped with sadness .
maybe things has happen throughout the years .
my love for you was never changing only to me crush towards the end .
its the same you thought me more then i can learn .
i have to make a choice .
and its to live my life for myself now .
maybe your not meant to be for me as much as i hope to be .

Day and night darkness flight .
Seek out danger as a dutiful ranger .
I roam and creep then rest and sleep .
Like a wild animal with a several rival .
This year is my Os i shall compete,
But i will never ever admit defeat .

Bleuh

2009-10-04T14:51:00.002+08:00

Oh well .. lately been studying .. maths maths maths :D . hope i can at least get a 5 for it >< ~ .

love ? i dunno im on the verge of self collison cause of this don ask why don want to say much .

life ? as usual crap

friends ? haha a few are just dagger in the back if ya get what i mean .. and a few friends whom i neglect actually tried to made me smile :) thanks jinyao .

today ? kanna force go relative house for open house .. stupid grandma keep ask me eat eat eat wan me be as fat as her i think . -_-ll

wish of the day ? hope something nice would happen . hope you can gif me a hint of something :( and hope if god do exist he can just stop toying with me and give me a proper love .

and grats to jinyao in finally having his girl (: though i may not show joy of happiness for you coz of my own dullness . i appreciate your help trying to cheer me up ! . charleen you too ! miss swan :D .

2009-09-17T23:54:00.004+08:00

Its been a few days since i last blog . :)
this week is intresting .
initially i was under due to alot of stress bla bla .
and i decided to make a foothold .

1st off !
my art coursework shhh =x .
i got help from my friend suhaini haha ! wow she did help me a decent bit or majority like the positioning and writing . it was cool and thoughtful of her . well ya it was quite awkward to talk to a friend whom i jus noe recently . hahaa !
2nd day of coursework she came to help me also to finish the bit and pieces suddenly i felt so tired and doze off on the table ... omg till 4.30 ...

at 4.30 i realise i was late with daryl zzzzzzzzzzzzz . mr thong already waited outside the front gate for us . i had to thanked my friend and dash with daryl towards mr thong car ..
omg and we did really wasted alot of time la WTF T_T++ . i felt bad in leaving my friend behind suddenly LOL but ah ya .. all daryl fault nvr remind me the time zzzzzzz .

bim bam we had our maths tuition i ended at 9.30 and reached home by 10 pm . by then i was already superbly exhausted la !! T_T .

today i reached home at 9.30 lol ! maths was fun and studying . i realise i had alot of things to catch up. 37 more days man omg .. im so stress till beyond stress . i cant handle anymore undue stress .

tday i realise i had lost the love of the family feeling as i watched everyone ate on the table for dinner . haha though mr thong is a teacher and my 3 classmate was having dinner i felt happy . it feels like a family haha . somehow . i started smiling at myself when i think of it and decide to make full use of this feeling for 37 more days haha .

i decide to cast a portion of my love life for now becoz my aim is my o lvl . though i still love you . but i decide to actually make a change in my life (: . i rlly wish you would feel my love haha . but its impossible . but i rlly hope you do only you can make me actually smile . i rlly cant read your mind coz im not a psyco person u noe . hehe .

well so ya . i appreciate the things i receive the friends arnd me . the help i get . and the tiny bit of love you tried to show me .

heres a huge thank !
I LOVE YOU GUYSS HAHAHAAHHA FOR MOTIVATING ME :D . ok
heres a list of name
Mr thong nai kee !
daryl lim ~
jarrod scott !
benjamin cho
and
lastly chew wei liang .
OH WAIT NOT TO FORGET !
miss sharizan haha !

a little gratitude to the person who help me accomplish my art work !
suhaini haha . thanks for helping me though i jus noe you .

im so happy today and hyper ;0 .
i hope my love seeps through the people around me haha . though its not huge nor little but its a little something ^^

*hais i guess my feelings are not known . my love for you seems so futile .
why am i behaving like a idiot . no matter what the feelin is there for you . haha .
oh well . im born an idiot in the first place . void from love . nvr to be love .
haha .

guess its my destiny . =D

2009-09-13T15:08:00.002+08:00

lol veron . im not suiciding la . its just an internal feeling . i need to let it out hence its on my blog cause i don like throwing my feeling on people with anger .
though i admit its a feeling i cant get rid off as time grows closer to the end .

the only person that is not helping much .. though i wish is true will be there by my side .

im just another average kid .

hols been boring all i can say :( .
i love the 4th espada/hitsugaya toshiro/kuchiki byakuya
yay HAHAAH . best n coolest characters .

i somehow believe their character potray what my heart is feeling .

hence of now i can only do a futile pray and wishes which can nvr be achieve .

2009-09-11T17:05:00.002+08:00

im sacrificing my time just to spend as much time..
is what you say is true ?
if yes im disappointed ..
i don want to get rid of the obstacles in hand ..
but if i have too i will ..
my heart belongs only to one person ..
but you keep shreading it apart ..

im jus a person whom is to reliant ..
i rlly need you
i dreamt of you day and night its tiring but fulfilling .
the results will decide which path ill take the path to darkness or path to the future .

people arnd me arnt as supportive hence my futile decision .
im beginning to submit to my fate ..
when i do that you haf to submit to you fate too ..
i will be cold as ice ..
slaughtering every single sheep at hand .
and the sheeps is the people ard you .
you will plead with guilt as i rise across your deathway .

this year im not looking forward to hari raya ..
it doesnt feel the same anymore ..
i feel so solemn and sad ..
theres no merry arnd me .
im disgusted by this feeling ..
i dont want to ask for forgiveness
i did wrong or not i wan to get hold on my sin and multiply it .
i wan to end up in the depth of hell .
so more people will be able to enjoy the heaven .
one less burden to the world is good .

if i ever regret again with my decision ill put a stop to my pathetic gateway on earth .
the voices are being heard .
hence i take my leave for now .

2009-09-08T01:47:00.002+08:00

hah as much as i hate to blog suddenly but i cant . my blog is like my listening ear oh well .

im happy that u do something that i had wished .
just one thing left i would be contented ...

but this 'thing' is making me frustrated .
your really in my way and ur causing my eyes to fill with hatred .
you make a turn over against me .
im lowering my head jus to control my emotions .
but deep inside me i want to let it go and all i will do to contain this feeling is torture my miserable enough blog .

hahs well yeh sometime i look from the 13th floor and wonder hw it feels to end up down there . haha .

im holding on the rope ...
im feeling miserable enough to be hurt but im just taking it in again .
im lazy to let off my anger if i had over contain it .
well simply put it as im a lazy person in everything i do even to get angry ...
its very tiring i would rather hurt myself in the inside then the people ard me .

not usual my brother came to my grandma hse to take their hari raya clothing ..
i saw my youngest brother haha . sometime i think by distancing myself from the people i love would actually cause them to miss me and me missing them .
my youngest brother as usual will come and hug me and giv me a kiss and smile .
though i noe i haf to dig out a dollar to gif it to him haha usually when we still stay under the same roof we will quarrel even jus for a dollar . but now i feel happier even if i can see them smile when they see me .

though i may not show it i yearn for someone whom can understand me
and not trash me down badly .
im human i've had enough of sadness going arnd in me .
im still containing it as usual .
perhaps whoever created me should just make me be a rubbish bin where all the unwanted things would jus end up in me .
hahs .

sometime i sit back and smile to myself
sometime i sit back and dwell on it
its pathetic i noe
but it cant be help .

i hate trashing peoples feeling .
i hate being trash back .
but most of the time i get trash back
and when i tried trashing back i will try not to make it less straightforward
i try to be more caution with my words .
maybe its jus a part of me .
i hope the people ard me whom rlly trash me would realise that .
i care of them my family my friends . even if it were to end me up dead
i will be contented .
death is eminent
the thing has been speaking to me in my head trying to get out ..
im containing it .
sometime i wish i am not what i am .

*poking the sky* i hope one day someone would be beside me comforting me and sharing our weal and woes tgt . though dying seems like a candy to me now . i may be young but i tink i cant really hold on any longer .

*smile*
i guess im going crazy haha .
well blog im done for today thanks for being here .
i created you but u last long enough to suffer for me .

2009-09-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

missing feeling .

well first off ! late grats to my ongkie frens ! haha we finally accomplish our teachers day performance im glad its over :D now i haf more time preparing for my 'o's . well to those whom wish to see the performance heres the vid . http://www.youtube.com/user/fikqairyika#play/all/uploads-all/1/Tddr2lDTDZc . Tada .. though its not perfect its an accomplishment for us ^_^ <3 u all . leon veronica zaki matthew for helping me in fulfulling my wish in performing for teachers day .

After the end of school i went to safra to meet damian yin quan junjie jia leong and jinyao ~ they play pool nia i watch only lalala . hahas den junkai came coz we wan to go to lan shop to dota initially but jinyao wan l4d in the end we go l4d for awhile before dotaing . "horrible" experience i must say LOL ~~~ .

well otw home in the train im straining my neck sleeping meh . the the two beside me seems to doze off i dunno whether there are awake or asleep..
but i manage to get a glimpse of my dream.. i was with u.. before i snap out of my dream and it reach yishun though the dream was a good feeling but all the way to woodland im staring in blank spaces LOL ~ cant sleep ..

then hols on tuesday ~ boring day though =/

den today took my physic exam and went home finally i get to nap after my exam yay ~

well my opinion to some people a blog is for people to relieve their thoughts and feelings its not for something which we should use to entertain people to show what we are.. i don care if people actually read my blog though . its my personal thought and feelings and u got no right to criticize what i write here (: .

well as usual you linger in my thoughts .. as much as i wan rid of u i cant . i don wish much but i hope u feel what i feel though its been three years i don believe u don feel anything.. but im content ... i will be glad if u once ask me out to accompany u for something ... that person is in the way all the time.. im pissed by that but i wont show it.. im a person whom to show my feelings out but i write it out i got no idea why but im in control of myself PERIOD... i do not want to get out of control though its ugly ...

but anyway currently im fine a few more months before my national exam end .. everyone will go to their seperate ways . i jus hope u will be by my side for eternally but i doubt thats possible .. ill smile for now (: . hurting deep in my heart has become so common to me that im oblivious to it .

part baby part so we shall not even start..

up till here ..
im sure u will appear again in my dream tonight and so with the people around me again.. i dun noe why ? maybe theres something behind it i need to noe.. from these people themselves..

2009-08-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

run and run and cling on it cling on someting tat u wont need ...

as usual i dream of u the dream is reoccuring every night even during the time i took a short nap after i finish my exam even in that 15 min i can dream alot.. recently i dream i fly around in search of you disappointed on the things i suddenly woke up and find myself in the exam hall sweating.. even when im in an air con hall.. i told my fren abt my dream.. and she say "norman u need a vacation" -_- LOL`.

but alright yesterday had a dance practice becoz zaki managed to book the dance room .
i felt excited abt the performance but at the same time nervous for monday =/

im retaking my mother tounge after tons of hesitation.. but i decide to giv it a shot hoping i would at least get a b3 :).

lately i feel disoriented as usual.. i find myself behaving creepily and entertain thoughts beyond anyone can believe.. even i feel like im going crazy .. i guess its the effect of mental compression .. nobody can understand .. its jus i don show it out to ppl and say hey i wanna kill u..

sometime i wonder if gods do exist ? i sit down at the corridor looking at the sky thinking what if i die what will i see ? .. i dun noe..
i feel like im a burden . my grandma is so money pinching .. even at her age..
as for myself i live my day trying to keep myself contented.. though theres still this empty feeling in me .

well ppl arnd me been asking why are u not studying ? dont u need to study ? my answer will be no because i want to keep my stress level to the minimal.. people will give me a O.o look ahah . but i jus smile .. well to be truthful my stress level is at its maximum and im containing it im trying to turn my stress into someting fun so it wont affect my emotions.. if it start affecting my emotions not only my studies will be jeopardize i think i wont even see any rationale..

well recently i've been entertaining thoughts of death and stuff. i dont know why ..
when i sit down and think 3 possible things came up..
love/family/friends and the closest is love..
but the thoughts are well contained .
18 yrs of my life i nvr get the feel of being love by someone i love..
its always 1 sided ..
since im currently sipping on my cola.. i guess i just type out what is still fresh in my mind...

pri 6 the girl i liked was someone i trusted.. i confess and she say yes which made me feel in cloud 9.. to my horror shes just messing with my feelings. though at that point of time i was still young it had affected my ego badly..

up to sec 3 i nvr did dare open myself.. fear of the same feeling..
eventually i saw this girl..a family fren i suppose.. shes a nice girl initially i thought.. i secretly showed affection we had alot of fun we went to the beach with our family for camping i still rmb during the night we just sit at this bench viewing the sea under the stars.. it was nice.. after months of admiring . i decide to confess only to find out she jus use me to cover her past hurts.. and say she like anothed guy instead... i smiled and pat her and say u made ur choice im glad.. but my heart feels like being shredded by thousands of blade.. but i keep cool..

months later i saw this quiet person whom till now i still liked. but nvr dare show my affection anymore. i rlly fear the same repeat of history. eventually 2 years has passed.. i fear of letting u go i cling on the impossible..

hoping a miracle would happen at least for once i would feel it.
though my instinct tells me that do not bother boy feeling..

ill guess i let nature take it course as of now... the stinging feeling is affecting me.. but up to here (:

today i had my maths paper 2 ! haha in he morning i saw matt and veron otw to skool and sneaked behind them.. and when i suddenly talked their reactions were cute.. i started laughing haha ! then i went back to class to find my class locked -_- and had to make my way to the hall.. while preparing for my paper i received a pat at the back someone saying goodluck.. i flustered and saw veron haha but she move so fast that i couldnt even react o.o.. and just mumbled out goodluck =/

well tmr is history ! i guess my seq im gonna flunked becoz i cant seem to find the notes that i needed ...... my textbook is missing ! guess how lucky i can get !.

i guess up to i hear i would bllog abt today.

as time fly i began to cry
the world im in is dark to dark that it almost consume me.
im clinging on you to see the light but i came kicking me back
down tumbling again and again to the darkness.

2009-08-22T09:58:00.002+08:00

insanity going through my mind in time twice.
i dont know what this phrase is suppose to mean but it just got through my head when i thought of blogging .

well recent issue ` been quite awhile since i last blog =/
well i got a b4 for my malay 'o' lvl paper. Not surprising though i aim for a b3 because for every paper i took i fall in the range for b4 it wont go up nor down this has been constant since last year...

well dance has been alright been studying for my ss prelim though a lil but i seem to recall more when i see the question instead of memorising... i dont know but each time i sit down and look at a history or ss question i clear my mind and i will be able to recall most of what i study last and this year... and i will start to jot down whatever come into my mind.. and surprisingly my seq would do good but if i try the memorising way i would fail terribly -_-...

besides that though im quite pissed easily these days i tend to forget it in the next few hours.. i guess im a vulnerable person. when i think of the bad time certain ppl treat me including my own father and friends as much as i want to contain the hate i cant.. theres a huge part of me chucking the hate aside totally making me oblivious to the hates.. i guess im a weird person though i forgive people easily also funny though miss sharizan told me its a good thing but to me im absorbing to much pain and just past it out like any other normal thing..

well not to name who .. this person likes that person and that person thinks this person like someoneelse but that person get all work up jus for this other person but not to this person. LOL ok i dunno its my fren who tell me this whole long story which i cant figure out??

im having fever right before my prelims and when i go to the doctor the doctor only took less den 5 min to check me up... and prescribe me 4 types of medicine.. after eating it i felt abit better and today my whole body is aching and i feel lethargic though my fever has gone down .. i receive quite a few msgs from my fren telling me to have a good rest thanks for the concern :) to name a few . jian howe veronica and wendy hahas.

i have alot of things kept within me i only can express it to myself..
my mum is in a bad plight now i pity her.. for leaving her for my dad but its for a good cause.. i want to faster earn my own money and support some for my mum.. i really wish my mum and dad didnt get a divorce... i realise i love them alot though i mention a few times i hate them but its a moment of impulse.. i love my brothers too when my younger brother came to my grandma house yesterday i quickly hugged him hahas thinking his still a kid when his already pri 5.. surprisingly he hugged me and told me "brother i miss u" hahas been 4 months since i last seen him..
basically i love my family,friends and everyone . im willing to do anything for them even to lose my life it will be a good purpose in my life .

though a few time i yearn for love im beginning to feel let it come and go now though i feel accursed. im fine with it. as long the people ard me is happy im happy . im still in love with this person for almost 2 years already though i just keep it within myself and a small pool of friends . i guess it will just be within me for the rest of my life. i do not want to ruin our friendship . though i feel breatheless at times nobody would listen to me i would jus sit down and tears roll down in my heart. i noe its not easy but i've endured more then this before..
my smiles are not always cheerful . but i will try not to ruin people mood with my own mood .

im currently listening to mj's song on veron blog..
"Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me..."

i rmb when i was arnd 4-5 yrs old i would sit down in front of the tv and play a tape recording of michael jackson songs which my mum have. i guess my life is not as bad as mj. i guess thats the little bit i should be happy about myself.

come and go as everybody row,
life is there and poof in flare.

i've been hearing funny phrases in my mind thats why i type it out.. sorry.

up till here i would blog.
i hope one day there would be something surprising in store for me though my hope is not high.

2009-08-11T19:08:00.002+08:00

Haha result is out and my team got into the teacher's day performance .
We are having our break for now . but i find it a little to rush having only 2 weeks left ? before actual day and yeah my prelims ! . many many things to do T_T .

Yesterday watch GI. Joe Rish of the COBRA ! haha dam cool sci-fi movie :D i suppose . love the two ninja ! Snakeeyes VS Storm Shadow ! clashes of the brothers XD

dam cool ! haha .

after movie me matthew and junkai go ard looking for stuff then go to comics connection ! i was attracted to the cool weapons model available there T_T if i got money i buy all ahahaha ! . den matthew rushed home i bought a sharingan necklace LOl and junkai bought a sword ? i dunno wat sword nvr see but quite nice . haa !

den today ! school was aa boring T_T . alot of rumors says our result will be today but nope . our mt o lvl result will be on 19th aug my mt teacher told me . so yeh nxt wed :S .

I'm happy im able to control my urges ^^ i guess patience is the key ? it will show u the way bahs . i just hope i can stay happy though at times i feel that im a burden on people ? well yeh but nvm i wont hold against anyone but myself hehe .

IM SO TIRED LA today reach home took a nap expect to wake up at 5pm but woke up at 6.50pm instead -_-;; . but been awhile since i reach home early and enjoy a good afternoon nap x.x

up till here . !

and thanks to my ongkies ! ahaha for putting aside abit of time for the dance and junkai/fadzly and some frens who tried to help me by giving idea to mix my song hoho .

Questions questions ....

2009-07-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

i guess i realise the truth behind this feelings ..
its the lingering smell not the face ..
the face is the root of anger ..
the smell is the one that urge my lust ..

its stupid but true ..

i need some encouraging words ..
but i nvr get it anymore ..
my parents use to encourage me ..
my frens use to encourage me ..
but now theres no one ..

its funny how i feel this way ..
nobody could understand ..
im fine with it ..
its not ur problem anyway ..
but if u make it ur problem ill wont forget u as a good person for life ..
ill respect the ppl who rlly help me ..
but disrespect the one that insulted me ..
im a person with reason ..

this is as much as i could think off . i hope u can understand me one day and i hope one day the light will shine in the right direction .

Argh . sometime i wish i am emotionless .

2009-07-02T16:24:00.002+08:00

got noone or no where to turn too all i can is type my feelings out. kinda sad huh get use to it nobody love to listen to another person misery right? well yeh fuck nobody can understand me the day someone understand me is the day i die i guess. even if i die nobody would care i suppose.

1st off ! Stupid feelings is killing me .
it feel so awkward being ard you the lust is killing me i wish i just dropped dead i dowan any feeling of love im trying to run my mind with anger but everytime the feeling of good memories came rushing back all i can do is sleep and dream about the sweetest thing but its all jus but a dream. i am trying to keep everything to myself all i can do is that.

2nd is grandma and family !
ye hi tot after i stay in this wretched place i would have a peace of mind no ! everyday i get irritated disturbed and worst she keep saying as if im an outsider . im her grandson and she say as if im someone who got pick up from the street but hell all i can do is retaliate and stfu due to being respectful . my mum i love her and miss her but she hardly call me . and my dad his trying his best to make up for his wrong doing i forgived him i suppose . but still im feeling discontented . im sorry junkai if that day i played badly in dota due to my sudden mood swing and to the players involve .

3rd is "GOOD" news !
my 2nd brother gonna stay with me. someone whom i do not wan to stay initially because staying with him my blood vessel will burst one by one. gahs ! nobody will understand this i tot of staying with my dad to avoid him and now his joining me "YAY" ! right .. fk this .

sooner or later i might just enter the world of depression geez .
love ? why do this exist . let the past be gone forget it but it keep coming back making me feel awkward . but the sweet face geez .

family ? sometime i wish i was never born ! best if i die in my sleep .

brother ? without you i feel happy but the thoughts of you coming here is killing me again i do not want to share anything with you . guess what my grandma jus buy a box of underwear and tell me share this with your bro .
for fuck sake who wan to share anything with him geez . !

ok this sucks . may the world bless me becoz i don believe in god . its a bunch of bullcrap . scold all u wan but i don gif a shit about religion .

i jus wish someone would come and talk to me now and comfort me and i hope this person is someone im thinking off all the time but its all but just a dream cheers .

thank for listening to me blog i bet ur trying to get more space for my rant .

funny yet happy :D

2009-04-07T22:19:00.003+08:00

i thought it might just be another thing.
but to my surprise it turn in a different way.
nvr did i expect to feel such love such warmth.
it felt nice and someting i've been searching all this while.
thanks for giving me this chance ill promise ill treasure it (: .
i nvr wish to write up much but all i can say i feel more then contented to see u smile happily. the hug and kisses u gav me. (:

up till here. i love u . (:

nm<3pa ^^

bored and happy week

2009-04-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

HAHA ! tis week is boring till yesterday :D had alot of fun . all i can say .
i feel sort of full now . thanks for that pgya . guess who isit LOL !

hahaaa faster next week come faster i feel so boreddd T_T all i can is that i feel contented now . but at the same time anger vengeance and fury boils in my eyes when i see u . i dunno why but its jus instinctively . but each time i saw the picture haha i feel cooled down :D . anyway dowan write much coz i feel crazy ^_^ . ~

untold feelings

2009-03-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

people tend to say why u made it that ur life is horrible .
its hard for me to say because its not someting i can jus say it out loud .
people tend to say things which hurt me but ill try to not hold grudges but it cant be helped .
i noe i made a mistake but i did apologize but u insist im annoying im jus speechless .
ill change myself if people think of me that way i guess im jus nothing but a tool .
see me smiling with this fake smile its tiring .
i tried to forget but i just cant . ill always take the first step but nvr did people noe .

today when im out my heart is aching it feels like something has just drop out from it . anger contained in it tried to escape . but i hate these feelings why should i end good things into a bad one ? why should people start cold war just like that ? as much as i do not want to make a mess out of nothing but it cant be help if they think they are always right . everyone has pride and ego but never did they try to lower it like i do . u wont feel it becoz ur not me all u care is ur ego . but ill forgive that becoz ur young and nvr did go thru like wat i've gone thru all this years . the feeling of sadness and sorrow in me which i nvr did potrayed .

as much as i typed as much as people try to read and understand they will never noe how much i feel . theres no point . i promised ansel ill try to change but im unsure if i can do it . i tried and got a slap on my face just now . its hurtful i feel like giving up the journey of life . why should i travel if i keep getting bang into the wall ? each time i tried to stand up and move on it will just repeat itself . nobody will actually understand this .

people say only u can change ur life . to me i can only change it if it begins with the people around me . ill guess ill have to revert to my old self i nvr think ill ever have to do tis again but i guess i have to start hiding back in this turtle shell of mine .

end of day

2009-03-18T01:28:00.002+08:00

well today was hell of a day so so ba ! LOL we lost our dota competition against ngee ann ite ... like i say we will be bak nxt yr ! den ben neo keep asking us to accompany him to takashimaya coz he had 100$ voucher rite ... upon reaching there somehow we ended up at TOYS section haha ! yea cute stuff funny rite how the hell the 5 of us guys ended up at toys section playing like a kid . damin keep playing with this funny monkey den ask ben help him buy LOL den ben agree funny hell den damin ask ben get a panda "couple" rite.... funny shit . den they started playing with robot to disturb junkai dunno wat automaton . i cant be bothered O.o . all i noe junkai giv that sian diao face all the time when they mention automaton ars . after that we head off to wat food village downstair i turn 2 rounds cannot find ice kacang stall den giv up . ben neo gav me n junkai 10$ voucher to eat in the end no mood eat also LOL . ya free food but no mood eat funny rite ? LOL . dunros left us earlier . den after all the shit we head off to cineleisure to watch a movie lol at the same time i can visit some of my old frens working there ~ . we bought the ticket for the show push . detail of show later part LOL . i walk ard with junkai looking for our ex working fren LOL saw a few some forgot us some shooed us away like MHEDZ zz . charles and ernest gave me a star shape lollipop dam stupid can . den we walk ard ended up at e2max to paly with some lame game machine the 4 of us trying to kill time till 5pm for our show dam stupid ~~ ~ haha saw fatin LOL she dam kind giv me free crispy chicken LOL . after that we head off for our movie ~ elaine looked at me O.o and said "wow u look different in ur uniform" . i was like "right.. lols is that good or bad way LOOL(in my mind)" . saw fadhila i tink her name LOL she look hotter den before O.o yeaaa . yati totally blurred out when i ask her if she rmb me no way ! den we ended up in the movie theater ... tadaaa.... after the show we keep talking about the shifter pusher mover watcher mind erasing guy and shadow shit lol which one got bttr skill made fun of it ~ the talk dragged alll the way to mrt and home funny and stupid unrealistic but it wont kill u to dream rite ? ! if u ask me i wan to be the pusher LOL . n stupid damin n ben neo from cinema all the way home keep talking about shape shifting dicks WTF .......

ok up to here ~ nw gg sleep oredi cozzzz tired after blackshot with junkai haha sniping crazy kai with mad dog norman always run n die like dog yaaar ~ . anyhow hantam flash grenade at ppl (:

GGness

2009-03-17T20:45:00.002+08:00

Oh well been awhile since i blog . we lost in the IGC today against ngee ann in dota but no fear we will be back next year .

for now im blogging coz some of u who have read my blog might notice some missing post or words about the person i love . well it was an illusion in my part as usual expected it anyway im a cursed child . broken family broken feelings failure in handling certain things well that is u norman face it . the people around u don care about u wat u are doing is just some wishful thinking on ur part . i fear of being close to my frens becoz i might spoil their mood thats y at time i tend to be a loner . so when i try to be more frenly people think the otherwise its sad . i guess i should just stick to my old self 4 years ago . but its hard but i gotta do it . the only person recently that motivated me with words was ansel eventhough i noe him for 3 days his words will stuck in my mind . being forgiving is not a bad thing but in a good way it will push me on . but i feel stupid for being forgiving becoz i get take advantage on by frens and family alike its painful for me but oh well . i just hope one day someone might jus treat me like a normal person with respect i will respect that person twice as much . even if i cant find someone to love i just hope there will be someone a friend who can motivates me can push me further to greater height .

for now all i can say all is just a wishful thinking on my parts :) when the day come someone whom will be the person i stated above appear in my life be it my friend whom is by my side all this while or a total stranger i wont disrespect them anymore .

haaa

2009-02-13T18:36:00.003+08:00

LOL been 4 days since i last blog . nth interesting ma the past few days :D . today is fun ! total defence day program line up for us ! we had the ipp exercise as a school . its was fun ! haha eventhough its not suppose to be fun in case of chemical attack ! . but at least now i noe how to react during terrorist chemical attack or any chemical spills haha ! we heard the siren going off . initially our class was blur like sotong . den we saw the opposite class slamming their door n windows shut we follow suit LOL . god it was noisy like got thunder . den mr lim came running to our class n supervise us . our class was v cooperative haha everyone immediately react n started sealing the doors n windows . den we started seeing smoke by the scdf haha . den mr thong came knocking at our door . lol initially we wanted to leave him outside LOL but na our class aint heartless we quickly let him in since its a normal exercise . but if its a real emergency we wont even open the door ! who wan to die sia . we taped everything every openings in our class :D . but we took quite long abut 10 - 15 mins. but yeh its our first time . we stayed in class sweating like crap ! den we started discussing about how to react if theres a real attack and what to do . it was a v meaningful exercise now then i realise that all this chemical attacks n terrorist could strike anytime anywhr unexpectedly ! nvr assume singapore is always safe especially when singapore is surrounded by unstable political situation countries quoted from mr lim . what he says makes sense . den we got bored n started asking each other who would u save if u see someone being locked outside that u love n care for yr fren or the person u love. haha it was obvious you would pick the one u love rite? but yeh its stupid coz u will cause the other to die if u did that ! . but yeh to me im willing to die n take any risk to safe my baby if that happened . haha stupid move but yeh . i wouldnt wan to regret thruout my life =/ . anyway we were joking ard while waiting for the all clear signal lol . mr lim even ask whos hungry ? we order mcdonald ! . apparently he was joking haha . den he started saying we get free meal u noe the delivery man unknowingly come to our school during chemical attk . n he would collapse n die den after the all clear signal is gone we can collect our food for free ! haha after about 45 min we heard ppl running outside already but we are still sealed up in the room . mr lim say it might be a test to us so ya if its a real attk let them die outside whoever knock don let them in unless u all want to die LOL . but actually the all clear signal was given but our pa system didnt worked . but yeh lucky our class was disipline enuf n not open the door . haha
den recess i started giving presents out to my frens . den we had our total defence day skit all i can say today is v meaningful hope we can have more of such exercise so if in real emergency at least we could do things orderly n help out ! its v nice to hear the sec 1 done well also ! :D and all the level . everyone sealed the classroom perfectly hha no smoke got thru when the scdf was spraying smokes outside . *claps*

anyway thats all for today ! :D

YAY !

2009-02-09T21:48:00.005+08:00

Haha today funny n fucking days yup yup . quite long since i last blog wtf ! ok anyway . today i felt happy in the morning during P.E ! our class played floor ball full class all so engross lor ! n my team won yay ! bao wen so motivating haha with that cheer ! first time i play game till sweat like hell . but the fuck part was after P.E ! some sec 2 kid took my shirt n i jus pick any of the shirt available nearby LOL in the end i pick a size 32 shirt ! and i only notice the size after i reach my class -_- fark it was so tight until wtf LOL my size is 38 . that is ok arh fking hell . den recess im being a nice sec 5 kid i brought the shirt durign recess to ask my p.e teacher to help me return his shirt n get back my kid . teacher say ok n helped me . but the hell after recess i ask my teacher whrs my shirt he say the sec 2 kid threw it away . den in my head -_-;; fking hell ....

my conversation with mr ng.

Mr ng : yes norman hw can i help u ?
me : eh cher whr my uniform .
mr ng : oh ya that sec 2 boy throw it away .
me : (in my mind) wtf !?!?!? - eh ask that boy find for me lar .
mr ng : ah i got class if u wan go find at all the bin .
me : the hell .. u think i no lesson isit ? ltr kanna scold hw gimme a shirt to wear la zz .
mr ng : ahya u go office take i got class .
me : ok w/e fine .

wa dam lame lor disipline master ask me go search bin fk fk fk like i no lesson liddat -_- " but his funny in a way for being stupid LOL .

den whole day i wear pe shirt dam uncomfortable lor .
during maths fark . i sitting with nurul to do maths den starlynn xtra join us(don get me wrong -.- nurul and me are primary skool frens) . den that fucking huai min keep stare at me n wink wink in my mind gross wtf his doing .
(flashback : last thurs , i sort of disturb huai min . den he follow me all the way to my mt class . den he sort of "rape" me outside my class . the hell my classmate all laughing at me -__-"") den from that day onward he keep calling me his wife(not) .. fucking gross can . den i complain to mr thong . mr thong scold huai min nobody like u la u so ugly enough already . i was laughing lyk hell . den huai min decide to disturb me .. again come my table keep touch touch farking hell den starlynn keep laughing ... in my mind i wan giv him a blow on the face but that ya will ruin his face LOL (huai min if u see this ya LOOOL i swear u wouldn wan that to happen ok !!) . anyway in the end he giv up n go back to his sit . kinda happy =D after dat yup tats all for today crap .

hope tmr would be a bttr day ! :D . i decide not to pursue the matter about throwing that kid shirt nxt week LOL after patrick talk to me . lucky im forgiving ok tis kid ssshhhh .

2009-01-13T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hi ~ after one week of mia from blogging im back :D heh one week pass dam fast can ? hehe . ok happy stuff ~ today mr JOHN LIM treated us KFC yay haha den mr JOHN LIM keep pushing mash potatoes n coleslaw at me ._. lucky wei liang daryl n ben cho were there to share haha the whole class had so much fun eating . i ate 2 piece of chicken den everyone full liao ~ ate alot eventhough it looks little ya -.- . den teacher come ask who wan chicken got 3 piece left all shake head LOL coz all super full . today was v fun ba i guess :D baby looks v sick today but i nvr ask much baa scare bad mood =x ltr tio scold LOL ~ . last week quarrel with mum as usual fuck dowan say much ~ but we got over it fast =] so yars haha . anyway tis yr o lvl must rlly chiong ar yest see o lvl result sibei scary can alot of ppl crying ! junkai keep saying if u dowan end up like them stop playing games liao(RIGHT I STOP IF THE TIME COMES LOOOL) . i zz le LOL ~ but its true . so up to here ba so late le must sleep sleep ! gd nite :D

Hey

2009-01-06T18:49:00.003+08:00

Wee . today school was alright yups didnt attend the stupid dancing thing at 7.10am in the morning becoz i got no partner yet to dance for my prom night duhs LOL . who to dance with ? my class has so little girl and the majority r boys and the girls all dancing among themself for the couple dance then the boy dance wat ? boy with boy dance is allowed but the hell its weird ._. . and the other thing is during clove ~ not boring as i expected today JOHN LIM says he going to treat our class to kfc nxt week clove lesson LOLs den our class had some nomination for class committee ~ our new monitor hong jun *claps* lucky i nvr kanna coz bao wen voted for me and only 2 ppl try to sabo me wahah hong jun suay lyk hell ! . den ben tan kanna enviroment rep all sabo him coz we all want him clean the class ~ his someting like our class 'dog' no offence but yeh he can be super irritating .. imagine u with ur fren eating during recess he jus come n sit at ur table with coffee and read a book n eat at the same time ... anyway i volunteer to become the english rep coz ppl all like so xinku wan become 1 stupid rep all push among themself . its jus a rep larr check file make sure its in order that all nia . sumore last yr in the class must contribute someting right ? hahas anyway my class is officially consist of 18 ppl ~ woo small class . but i really miss my old frens :( . today saw junjie after skool . weird but yeh LOL . den shafiqah jus nw dash across the traffic light me and starlynn almost follow suit and starlynn notice MRS SIM car driving and starlynn stop me on time or i would get into trouble sia dashing in front of MRS SIM car without the traffic light blinking but that stupid shafiqah did it i wonder if mrs sim will summon her to office tmr LOL .

New Year

2009-01-04T05:57:00.003+08:00

Holidays - (dec)

haha during hols all i get to do is WORK WORK WORK at cineleisure orchard (: .
fun place to work at and yeh u noe alot of friends !
den it comes to my results and i pass my 'n' lvls D: got 8 points plus an amazing A2 for 'n' lvl for my nvr passed Combined Humanities in school -.-" ironic but ya ...
den on 30th had our staff xmas party fun yups ~ got a hug from biel and lina ! coz me n jian howe giv them present hahas . den i gave jelly present and ask for a hug she say omg eew i down there stupid jelly :( .. hahas . << shameless me . anyway tis month watch twilight + ip man + city of ember . haha cool yehs D: den ending of hols had to stop working yup sad but true :( miss all my friends especially jelly biel and lina ! ~
biel will call me concess boy .. lina will keep screaming NORMAN ! and jelly with her trademark "HELLO!" in everyting she do . funny ppl =D and my fav managers kumar and faz ! faz is a f&b manager but shes super friendly n nvr boss us ard :D she treat us like friends ~ hahas . and kumar strict at time and tend to get misunderstood but still nice ! haha . sadly all good things have to come to an end !

Eve of 2009 ~ and 2009 !
Had class gathering during eve of new yr but didnt go coz to tired in the end at night i got so bored with myself n started regretting all i could do was countdown with my dota friends sadd .. coz waiting for 'mum' to come on to dota along with coz he went out to get his new phone . den skool started on fri i didnt attend eventhough i was looking forward to my classmates . only manage to sleep at 3am the prev day . set alarm to 6.30 but didnt hear and end up waking up at 9am... wtf quarrel with mum coz nvr wake me up .. but she insist she wake me up -.- den nvm ..
after skool ended den i went to skool to buy my uniform and found out my class from 32 drop to 15 ... more den half hais miss 4c'08 =( ...

NOW !
well today had to move hse again from yishun to bukit panjang yar sadd . miss yishun alot . hahahaa . dota with mum for 1 hr today den comp hang halfway knn . we were owning ok -.-

GODLIKE .

2008-12-08T04:46:00.002+08:00

sweet its been 2 months since i last blogged . comp spoil throw liao that time . now got new comp hahas =D anyway 2 more weeks till exam result . im scared but at the same time excited . anyway wish me luck for my result heh i dowan to go to ite .

meh

2008-09-21T00:05:00.003+08:00

long tym since i last blog . tis few month has been a test of my patience . my comp spoiled . my psp gone . gotta wait till nov . my n lvl is about to come again in 2 weeks time . my first 4 paper has ended . home now feels terrible . everyone seems different . im having illusion of suicide at times its terrible . what keeps me going was my frens . wat motivated me was my frens . some of my frens was the only one that could make me hav the meaning on in my life for now . hope so . heh . up till here . cheer me on i wont giv up now .

photos

2008-07-12T00:55:00.006+08:00

Hahas . this week is fun ok ? its surprisingly weird to have 1 week jus flash by like that ! god . been working on my art coursework and taking photos of my frens ! we had alot of fun yeh . they r fun weird n cool :D . well lets start from wat had happen lately . wei liang wee boon and yin quan tot jun kai was my mum ! so thats how jun kai became my 'mum' LOLs . well it happen ingame when suddenly wei liang ask whos destiny i said my mum den he say really or not ? den i say ya den wee boon and yin quan saw it and tot it was real me and jun kai was laughing like hell on their 'stupidity' ok . nxt day in skool the 3 keep asking wa ur mum really play maple ar then i say ya but to bad i cant control my laughter n burst out laughing stupid rite ya i noe i sux at keeping lies =x . so in the end all found out my mum was actually not my mum . but thats how it began that we keep saying jun kai was my mum . den nxt day again wendy keep pestering me asking to make her a GM ah den i say gm ? grandmother can den from that day onward she became my grandmother god bless . LOLs den she start to call me granddaughter wtf _!_ den she still pester me i say ask ur daughter she say who ? jun kai lo since u my grandmother my mother will be ur daughter . in the end we are trap in this weird family tree nooooooooooo .

ok den another stupid thing was wendy dont even noe wat is a RAM . me and yin quan lied to her and say RAM is something u put in the middle of your cibai and clamp it together to boost ur speed. den she say huh ? is that a sex toy. me and yin quan burst out laughing like mad during history . den damian come and started explaining and then damian say ram got different sizes den that wendy say oh big ram small ram i know what ur saying its a sex toy again so me and yin quan continue to laugh like mad . den damian got fed up and say ya ram is something where u put it in mid of ur cibai and then it will make u move vigorously . so after 20 mins of explaining finally she noe wat is a RAM . phew .

anyway below are the photos we taken this week . yup slack like hell eventhough 'N' level is like 51 more days OMG ! ._.

anyway last picture at the last .
From left to right - Yin Quan(the one holding a book),Hakim(the on sittin on the table),Wei Liang(behind me that guy putting his stupid hand at the wrong place _!_),Norman (Me!)(kanna choke my that wei liang zz),Jun Kai(solo kid and also my mum!) and lastly the small kid smiling widely is Wee Boon.

2nd last picture.
From left to right - Phyllan (closing eyes squattin so sad),Yin Quan (behind phyllan),Hakim (beside yin quan),Jin Yao (in front of hakim),Wei Liang (tall guy in the middle),Norman (Me!) (beside wei liang),Fadzly (beside me),Taufiq (infront of fadzly) .

and lastly dont miss out Damian the one on the first photo with wei liang.

Ok up to here for this week !
anyway i think im in love but oh well its a jus thought but i dont wan to love coz 'N' level is suppose to be love instead ! T_T or ill be ggfied if fail .

HOLY MAMA !

2008-07-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

OH GOD . lols i didnt update my blog for like er ? 3 - 4 months ? GOSH . okaes basically april - june my comp fucked me up and got spoiled got lazy to fix it till the last week of skool holiday my hand got itchy and waalaa ! my comp is fix and better now :o ! my magical hands ok ! anyway basically this term im more active ba in skool no idea why ~ perhaps due to the downtime of my computer i explored the outside haha ! and enjoyed it alot yeh ~ friends to be made and more ! anyway im running my own maplestory private server . http://intrinsicms.no-ip.biz . those wanna play can visit that site bahs :X

today skool was slack till assembly :D ~
as usual wei liang , wee boon , yin quan , damian and me crap at one corner and chat non stop nonsense yars . yin quan told me about wee boon cousin abusing powers in my server den wee boon go out of class ask his cousin den that damian go "oh hor u make trouble wee boon and cousin fight" LOL . i down there wtf ._." den it was recess its nice to see our skoolmates in our casual outfit since its all jeans day . i wore my MONKEY SHIRT . haha i like it ok . so don laugh ! but its alright . hours fly den its assembly ~ assembly was great . didnt noe mdm tin can sing :o my sec 1 teacher whr we usually called her duck voice ! it was a surprise ok . den my history teacher sing haha quite nice . performance was great . saw the psl combodia trip clip waa dam touching hahaha i bet they had fun . to bad i totally forgot about the charity concert and didnt brought abit more money to donate but oh well haha . last part was cool ncc air dance with one hell of a song Lols . den almost dismissal our VICE PRINCIPAL . MR TOH sings omg ! heng he forget his lyric ! yin quan and me at the back wtf liao no tuneee ok den the VP say its mic fault LOL ! EXCUSES .
den dismiss john lim come run to me and shout at me go chase sharil i down there zzz so crowded how to find sharil run arnd the skool isit . but lucky sharil was nearby .

got home and nonsense awhile after that nap and do my work before using my comp . organize some council board for my server so things will be more organize (:
while doing some editing phyllan call and gav me a shock saying my monster drop alot of stuff which might jus screw my server luckily i change it to a lower drop rate as suggested . thnx ar phyl .

now its 11:17pm liaos time to go sleep n go to skool tmr ! tmr gonna hav my n lvl oral exam GOD . im scared at the same time excited XD wish me luck ! :P

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2008-04-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

aaaaah . :( im like so bored today heh gosh the whole day u kept running thru my mind now im wondering if im in love or crazy in love ? sometime i jus wanna scream to the world and confess it.. at the same time i jus wan it to be in me ! oh god what shud i do >< ? why do i have to experience this almost all the time !! NOOOOOO erm YESSS ?? ok im crazy LOL ! ok wtf ... seriously i just keep thinking of u why becoz i got nth to do :( comp jus a total fcked . thats why ! cant play game to keep my mind of u so instead i just keep thinking of u everwhr i go ! .. if oni i could see u everyday wouldnt it be great :P ok fk stopp . =x

anyway school was fun ! <3 but sucky part was last period john lim ask revise for tmr test and guess wat i did .. i was like praying to my book head keep moving down and up n teacher is like standing in front of me.. guess wat i was doing ? FALLING ASLEEP LAR . craps . btw why do poly course all need maths to enter ?!?! wtf ... seriously what does all the irritating formula got to do with our daily life ? its like wtf ... everywhr i see oso maths basic maths that is i can take it ... but i dunno fraction triangles wtf all this got to do with our future work ? ........... explain to me maybe... eventhough how am i suppose to pass maths if i just cant make it ! the more i force myself the more miserable it is.. it feels like ur a slave to maths ... but ppl say be friend with maths and u can do it lol << rubbish seriously .... ok maybe im jus lazy finding excuses ... but den i get distracted easily lor .. either falling asleep, frens talk to me ?? , hmm love ? rofl . ok shyt ... i jus wish i can turn the time backwards and restart everything perhaps i can perfect my life or maybe to the future so i can skip what im suffering from now ... maybe i shud jus hav the power to swap bodies ! den i jus can run people lifes ok im being to selfish =x oh well .. just like bowen say in class ~ people tend to take things easily at the same time want something better for themself.. this is right ... :l oh well ill jus stop here !

heh !

2008-04-08T16:24:00.002+08:00

12 more days till ur bday thinking of what to give you hmm . heh i miss u <3 look at the photo your blurness face is irresistible ok ? ur simply to cute for it <3

in school pretty much had fun ^.^ not to boring today hah ~ coz i keep thinking of u mah of coz not boring =x when u sms me ard 1:30 so chun bell ring haha . so delighted lor :)) hope to see u often yup must remember ur bdae ok . n i notice ur bdae is exactly 1 month after mine hw to forget ? =P ok up to here yups ! <3

April ? OMG !

2008-04-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

Wow the last time i update this blog was 2 - 3 months ago time sure fly dam fast O.O !
within this few months i've achieved a few things hmm ? lols . well most of the time i spent it on gaming yeh and arnd 20% on studies ? LOL! now got up to lvl 97 Force Blader. Sword: A.Master Magic: Master . don really play much due to my graphic card prob and dumb xtrap problem . well if not i be moving to mars . well basically im in love again i suppose but i dont really wan too ! but the god damn feeling jus came naturally :( . heh your eyes are cute especially when u gimme the sotong face lor LOL ! and when u talk to me ur quite shy heh that add more to ur cuteness . oh well but i jus wish we could be friends dont really wan to fall in love but den on the other part the feelings began to develop uh oh . but yeh love cant be force as it will come naturally . i always look forward to the day i get to see u ;) . well chatting with u will make me more den happy enuf eh . :P ok fked with this !! i must not let this get in my way aite . but den ur my role model or my source of motivation to achive what i wanted eventhough i took a longer route then what u say .. well 2 yrs is alot but to late to regret if i could have done a little bttr during psle about 8 - 9 points i could get to express and if i didnt really waste my time away during sec 3 i wouldnt have retained like what my ex skoolmate told me. but all this are in the past :) ok im using u! to motivate me to move on hehs each time im bored i will stare into space n more of dreaming of your smile . :P ok ok ! stop it now !! =x

anyway on sat 5th april gone to affinity lan party yeps funny day especially when at the arcade ! xiaoxin say he wan to play the ball den karen thought otherwise ! typical karen aka horniiegurl =x den wtf she kept poking me ok its irritating but funny becoz im "scared" of ppl poking somehow unless im alert but not in a daze ._. den roughly b4 we go off we chatted a little n i told karen dont disturb me or i poke u till u cry den stupid karen make me out to be doing nonsense ok ! xiaoxin was like omg norman i didnt noe your so.. den kevin was like norman wtf !! don touch my karen den i was lol dam u karen and her nonsense ! but it was funny most memorable day :P .

ok im off to bed 11:42pm 7th april . heh ok <3 ss . ahha guess who isit shhh .

fk tis world

2008-01-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

happy arnt you yusman bin sabtu ? how i wish ur not my dad i dont need a dad like you old already behave like a fking kid ? drive my mum out of the hse n put the blame on my mum n not on u ? hell yeh u think i fking keep quiet means i support u ? tink again when u said fk off from the hse to my mum in front of me thats when i started hating u i'll nvr forget what u did u son of a bitch ! 3 yrs ago u made that fat ass woman pregnant n even had a fcking son with her n dare say to my mum me n my 3 brothers r not ur sons ? hell i remember all tis fking shits i swear that u suffer till u die nvr had a good moment in ur life for wat u had done had cause a deep scar in me u bastard divorce means divorce n u fcking shyt some kind of guy r u nvr dare admit ur mistake n push it to a woman every month u fcking giv $600 u think tis fking shyt money would be enuf to feed 5 ppl plus school allowance ? fck u man u had $1300 with u n u still dare say the money aint enuf for u muchless $600 for the 5 of us ! u dare say to my mum u can giv us 4 brothers a better life hell i would like to say tis to u fck u son of a bitch ! i don need a useless dad like u mum had 18 yrs of hard life n i've had enuf in tis 17 yrs of my life holding to the sin u had cause the grudge i had kept since young i swear that u would die n rot in hell i dont fucking care if ur originally my father coz to me my dad is dead long ago when i saw him with that bitch ! lemme tell u tis from today onwards 17 jan 2008 / 11.55pm i'll hate u till u go on ur knees n beg for mums forgiveness if not jus fck off n rot in hell for what you've done is unpardonable .

...

2008-01-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

tues - 15/1/08

skool was totally fun n exciting most of it ! starting was mt teacher was funny lar she gav us chocolates to eat in class hoho yummy rites XD den she giv work i copy syahril beside me coz i keep turning my head den teacher say 'norman dont copy' den i say whr got copy i turn my head coz got mosquito den my teacher was like oh lol ~ after that was history totally boring talking about inferencing watever shyt ~.~ den english do 2007 n lvl paper 10 yr series the tingy after that was art 3 period of nth to do me wei liang syahril n daryl talk shits in art lesson n i ask daryl n wei liang to teach me chinese den i write one of the character on our skool badge i dunno how to say it looks like a square with a line in the middle @_@ wei liang say it is someting that cut tru the middle den if u add 2 balls in the middle of the box n the line it means slice thru the balls den syahril,daryl me laugh till stomach pain den that kanina lai come kp den scold me i was like laughing till wan cry le so i cover my face n act to cry den my face super read den got tears come out den teacher tot i cry lo stupidd den after that stupid lai shoot daryl n syahril n say grow pimple faster n become more stupid after that die i dunno wat that old woman trying to imply lor watever it is it wasnt anyting good coz daryl n syahril the fast was fucked up lols after skool went bak home n take a nap . den arnd 3.30 woke up ate lunch den play darkness and light had a match with xguild we won coz the guild is quite new so we sort of bully lor =x den 2nd match was not someting we shud joke about we vs those pros starting we were owning den ppl start to get overconfident n screwed up stupid terabellum ask me follow summore i 1 pathetic seira dex hero go in the teleport tio rape like nobody business by 5 enemy hero den i die the tera ran first n he scold me noob la u go in die . den i was like lol u ask me to follow den i dunno wdh u do i go in den instant die lo so many mage don there throw nukes at me -.- den ending the boss was 5 v 6 - my team 5 enemy 6 we could hav won if more ppl had attk the boss but oh well the outcome is lost lor suay ar . the only team of uni can beat them consist of, unifire,uniice,uniwad,uniwat,unimengzhu,uniglobal . i dont trust other uni much easily kanna distracted by greed of getting kills . anyway thats all for today n off to bed ciaos ~

12.38am - wed .

thurs - fri x)

2008-01-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

10/1/08 -
skool was fun lor only boring part was social studies john lim teach till can sleep lehs @.@ heng i sit in front so i act like reading the book but actually i sleeping lol! den recess as usual fun lor xD den assembly was nth much oni edusave awardd kinda boring the whole day of thurs .. i got on msn n put my nick as 'today is the most fking boring day of my life' den my mt teacher msg me n say 'today is the most boring day? i noe y coz today dont hav mt lesson' den i was like lol ! thats all lor nth much to say saddening =P .

11/1/08 -
today was full of fun n laughter! first 2 lesson was english nth much la john lim ask we all do compo =.= i wrote pretty much of rubbish the topic given was pretty plain . den 2 period of pe long time nvr play sport my leg got numb zz suay siol b4 that we r suppose to run round the skool 2 time but me n fiqah take short cut wahahaha cheaters :o den chemistry i brought crackers and we ate in class den share with classmate lala in the end finish it even b4 i could keep for after recess =.=; den recess was funny fadzly was eating his chicken pau den got this sec 3 guy say hi to him den he wanted to reply den his chicken pau which is only a quater eaten the meat also havent eat ar den it drop on the ground ! fadzly was like WDF he started running round the sports hall everyone was laughing lols fitri was trying to calm fadzly down lols n i told fadzly the pau was 70 cents so u ate almost half i refund for the person 35 cent den he say zz nvm la lawls . den after that was physics we did some worksheets den art during art me n wei liang go see mr ang he wanted to choose his sub coz he retake his n lvl n he hav to drop either art or dnt and i wanted to drop art coz of the teacher lor hopeless one zz i prefer mrs peck den after toking to mr ang we go bak to class den that mdm lai ask me is that guy at the corner crazy coz his walking arnd n digging the cupboard for tings den the guy turn arnd and look at us den he ask us why we were looking at him den mdm lai smile at him den i told mdm lai u ask me if his crazy but hor when he see u den u smile at him for no reason i confirm with u he think u crazy instead den she like zzz lols . after skool arnd 12.30 went home no whr to go oso wanted to do some stuff i dunno y suddenly i go onto my bed n sleep till 3pm and the whole day was revolving arnd television n dal-ing . played a few match against public from 6pm - 10pm we won like duh we whole guild play with rojak public if lose i nth say ~ UniversalGalaxy stupid name hmm but alright lo . guild members ~ UniDarkness(gd bro),UniGlobal(maple didi),UniSacarstic(si peesea),UniIce(iceavvy),UniFire(fireavvy),UniMengZhu(me),UniVerse(cold joke guy),UniBaka,UniNoob ~ tis r the few active unis XD

signing off ~ 12.23 am friday 12/1/08.

Ignore R.I. ppl (:

2008-01-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

today school was weird har i cant concentrate much the whole day kinda sleepy dunno y . hahs boring lers nth to do today also when home straight den return fitri his guitar den after that go to bed n sleep den my mum came home n shook the hell out of me ! zz den cant sleep oredi sadd hahax den when onto msn got one RI ppl . dont get me rong its not a skool~ to me RI = Retarded Idiot he add me den started kpkb his name was Hussein keep saying i stupid bla bla shits i oso dunno wat i did that offended him lol den i reply back oh hussein i tot u die 15 yrs ago didnt noe in hell got msn also den he quiet . he think he big fuck like that lawls but oh well some advice to ppl out there if u meet these kind of retarded idiot ppl on msn 1 ting to do . PAWN them back n block
so they wont spoil ur day (: peace ~

fun monday .

2008-01-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

wa seh i actually go to school today =P last yr monday i owaes mia . hell today school kinda fun bahs . first lesson was maths mr tong gd teacher arh but he teach to fast i blur like sotong oredi teach so many triangles n method i cant possibly stuff all in 1 lesson ahaha but nvm ar den after that was history mr tan was like asking everyone to set target bla bla ask we all aim grade 3 .. i grade 5 oso cannot get ar for history =.= den after history me,shahril & wei liang walk arnd the corridors for awhile den i saw that carina den say hey bastard lawl den i reply lo hey bitch actually not in an offensive way but it was funny den my fren ask me why call her bitch den i say long story actually is i lazy explain lawls . during music mrs yeo is diff den the last time i saw her the class was like half noisy she still smiling ask us to quiet down maybe now she got baby become mother liao so show motherly love lolx den ask we all to answer 2 question . which songs you like ? and why you like/hate music . after music was chemistry stupid symbol i dunno how to read some make me get rong answer but nvm den recess the food i ate was tasteless the curry chicken taste like water den the vege taste like plastic =.= after that was clove lesson john lim blabber for the whole 2 period hajar n shafiqah was like zz den i disturb after 15 min i feel so sleepy den i wanted to put my head on the table den mr john lim talk to me i hear about 'norman your english is quite good you shud aim grade 1' den i snap out of my sleeping den quickly sit straight john lim nvr notice i was asleeep or someting coz i noe my mind was blank till he talk to me den last period was mother tongue as usual ask about our target n nth much i only noe shahiran talk alot lawl n cannot keep quiet if keep quiet can die har ahahas . after skool went home wanted to do some stuff in the end i fell asleep n woke up at 5 n the whole day i do is watch tv lar so boring at home T.T ~

peace out ar go do someting . 9.30pm ~

Online Game Acct & Stuff Sale -

2008-01-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

Habbo - HC Sofas @ $1.50 each or Rm 3
MapleSEA - Lvl 132 NightLord with Zakum Helmet n more @ offer me
Ghost OnlineMY - Lvl 71 Mage / 85 Blader n alot of stuffs worth at least 50m inclusive of money @ offer me
Seal OnlineUSA - Lvl 80 Priest / 50 Warrior n alot of stuff worth at least 20m inclusive of money @ offer me
Last ChaosMY - Lvl 31 Horse @ $15 or Rm 30
Darkness&LightSEA - Rank 20 @ $30 - top 10 ranking
GrandChaseSEA - Lvl 24 Lire inclusive of everyting in it @ $10
Lvl 22 Arme & 18 Lire inclusive of everyting in it @ $15

All the Games Under SEA - Msea,DALSea & Lvl 22 Arme& Lvl 18 lire - package sale @ offer me. discounted price (:

Accept payment via Paypal or RL Trading. intrested add me on msn normanz129@hotmail.com

(: peace out .

Ah 2008 ` <3 :)

2008-01-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

been almost a year since i wanted to close this blog and here im reopening it :D welcome to my blog grand reopening ~ huahua =P

lets do some update on my games status for almost whole yr of '07.

maplesea - 132 hermit.
last chaos my - 61 rouge.
ghost online my - 71 staff mage. / 85 blader.
darkness&light sea - rank 20.

this week summarise hahas ~
when to skool on thurs 2nd day of skool . after skool kanna scolding by that irritating john lim for not coming on 1st day its as if i will die if 1st day i nvr go ask me to ask my mum write a letter heng my mum support me n giv a rubbish letter to that john lim =x

fri 3rd day of skool . kanna prank or someting like tis by that toot shafiqah go put 11.90 price tag from mustafa center behind my back during physics lesson and i dunno den she and hajar keep laughing saying they bought someting from mustafa center 11.90 oni if put inside bag only the head will pop out den hajar point behind my back when that crazy fiqah turn arnd . funny ah on that day .

sat n sun . nth much to do keep trying to find tings to do but dunno wat to do @.@ ah dis is wat happen if u got nth to do u be bored to death .

alright up to here only i wan to write sign off .

Closed

2007-03-14T18:54:00.000+08:00

This blog has been closed . no more future lame updates sorry . x( im getting on with normal life its way better then last time n im enjoying it now !

Lalalas.

2007-01-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

on tuesday during cme so funny sia my dm ask lester , "lester you sit at that chair for how long already" she mean how long he retain in sec 3 already . den lester go say "no no no tis chair new one" den everyone laugh . den my dm ask eugene , "eugene you retain how many years isit your 3rd year?" den eugene say softly "2nd year" den my dm ask again "3rd year?" den eugene say abit louder "2nd year" den my dm say "eugene you can talk or not?" den eugene fed up say "2nd year la" quite loudly den follow by "wat a stupid question" lolx .. den lester n me laugh like mad .. den arnd 10 min b4 lessons end my dm ask a question whats your biggest change in life? den fong rong or watever his name is he said puberty den my dm say ya i agree with that what change have you experience. den yan hua say i grow taller n bigger den my dm say but you dont look like you grow taller n bigger den yan hua say i grow taller n bigger on the inside . den my say oh really den we all laugh .. if u get what i mean LOLs . if i where to write all the funny stuff out it take forevver la hahas .

Wat a weird day ....

2007-01-22T14:36:00.000+08:00

hahax todae got my hp bak le wahahahas . xDD
jus now i heart pain lars see n hear the person i love most saying to other ppl say she wan suck his lj -_-" i hear heart so pain sia coz tis kind of ting v serious to me ... den jus now i at home i call den arnd 2 min she hang up the phone n my heart beat so fast my mind run wild la den i pray say i hope shes not doing wat i tink n ask god to show me some kind of sign haha den another 2 min ltr i got a phone call saying she doing someting thats y hung up lols den i feel happy for awhile hahas perhaps i get jealous to easily ba .. like ppl say jealous means u love that person alot hahas .
den in class stupid lester shi en daryl all keep making fun of me say i sitting at my wife table ... coz she nvr come keep saying syafiqah my wife WDF .. for fuck sake she not my WIFFEEE .. T_T don bully me liao la hahahas . den bowen go make fun of carina say her hair so shiny coz to much gel -_- den yan hua say he got pms n he can control it whenever he likes lmaos so funny la .. xD
ok la write till her once again thaaank god ha at least now i can goo shower n hav a good nap la tired >.< n syafiqah save me by putting her english text book under her table or i kanna stand for 2 period today weird day ha xD ..

k la write up to here bb ~ ~ ~
happy n sad is wat i am u can do nth bout it xD .

Tuesday Sianz Day

2007-01-16T18:47:00.000+08:00

nth much do todae . in school sux le as always x) but i dunno why tis chebai girl wan xchange sit with me scold me chebai siam la ? man im pissed off siahs but oh well i jus
keep quiet or i fite bak heng its stupid SIM lesson . mehs . today dam dam sian lars wat to do gotta go skool for nxt 2 yrs damit i feel like quiting skool man !

my mum not happie with stupid john lim confiscating my hp LOL den she call the skool n scold that SUCKY LIM . hahax . yeah fk his mum hope he die early coz his making our lives miserable xDD .

i love my last period my mt lesson yeh ! hahas my mt teacher rox siahs xP i nvr bring book coz havent buy she lent me her book hahax the teacher damn cool lar i owaes disturb shafiqah den shafiqah complain i say she trying to frame me hahax den shafiqah tio long tok muahahas den i hi-5 mrs wong/cikgu wong lolx . muahaha shafiqah eu nvr win me yeh !! eu always bully me now my turn la right ur my part-time gf wat so i dunnid treat eu specially oni can disturb eu specially !! xDD bell ring den i run out of class n say gd bye to my mt teacher n say teacher i love eu ! LOL den shafiqah scold teacher say eu let norman go out first nvr let us den i go bleah at shafiqah n ran out xPP ! i'm bad i'm bad hahax !

FUCK EU JOHN LIM !

2007-01-15T14:13:00.000+08:00

stupid siahs my hp tio confiscate FUCKING JOHN LIM . i borrow shafiqah my hp she wan do someting den that john lim go her table ask her wat she doing den stupid shafiqah can point to my hp tis one not my hp -.-" den that ass hole john lim confiscate it heng i took out my sim card siahs . den i chase that john lim ask him tie my hp coz the battery loose den he look at me n walk den he say i wont tok to u for 1 week bout tis it be with me for a week den he walk from behind i scream at him CHEBAI STUPID MOTHER CHEBAI NO HOLE . he turn n see i walk lolx humji kia don dare call me n scold me oredi if he scold me i sure fk him like siao . chebai .

eh JOHN LIM IF U SEE MY BLOG REMEMBER TIS I HATE YOU I SWEAR U DIE EARLY .
FUCK JOHN LIM GO DIE GO DIE x)

Norman Yagami Death Note xPP

2007-01-12T19:15:00.000+08:00

LOL I bored la so edit tis out hahax .

12th Day After New Year ...

2007-01-12T14:28:00.000+08:00

Its going into the 3rd week of school its simply rox in the new class eh in sec 3C yup . but the only sucking thing is teachers ... a list of teachers i hate oh btw if any of the teachers drop by tis blog by accident or wat tell the teacher i hate em x)) .

Mr John Lim - Eng,SS,Ace Teacher
About Him: Good at telling grandmother stories .

Other teachers is great accept the one mention x) hope he die of stomachache after 40 sec xPP

My New Hp Number 81805180 yehs feel free to sms me netime and tell me ur name le if not i dunno who u hahas .

Hope u enjoy ur weekends !

Heartbroken n sad :(

2006-11-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

My Heart - Irwansyah & Acha

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Hari paling indah
Ku ukir nama kita berdua
Di sini surga kita

Bila kita mencintai yg lain
Mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
Sayang ku akan hilang

If u love somebody
Could we be this strong
I will fight to win
Our love will conquer all
Wouldn't risk my love
Even just one night
Our love will stay in my heart
My heart

Pernahkah kau menguntai
Hari paling indah
Ku ukir nama kita berdua
Disini surga kita

Bila kita mencintai yg lain
Mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
Sayang ku akan hilang

Bila kita mencintai yg lain
Mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
Sayang ku akan hilang

If u love somebody
Could we be this strong
I will fight to win
Our love will conquer all
Wouldn't risk my love
Even just one night
Our love will stay in my heart

-------------------------------

The meaning of tis song is more or less like wat im going tru now :(
Its sad if you watch the MV.

My Heart - Irwansyah Music Video

Charmed Last 2 Episodes .

2006-10-12T19:15:00.000+08:00

Kill Billie Vol 2.

Part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C34s5hgu94o
Part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCd0n4TuM0s
Part 3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0A3ZzXjBf8
Part 4 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qJEMsBaRR0
Part 5 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81bPK5_bN-U

Forever Charmed

Part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Sjei-cPn4
Part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eYQTpj4Jj0
Part 3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDIecug03BQ
Part 4 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WILhaPuC5JE
Part 5 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEAM1AojSgg

Some Previews

The big screen is the episode from "kill billie vol. 2" the smaller screen is the episode from "forever charmed" .

To break the hollow. (the red n blue colour blast like thingy)

Yanis Adoke
Hic Et Adoke
Malin Sporfornes
Wok Inconsessus
Shubertdico Nos.

Update: Background music - Charmed Theme Song

Hais .

2006-10-12T18:05:00.000+08:00

Why must i go tru so much huh ? i'm trying to forget as much as i could but i cant deep down in my heart i still love this person even though at time i get angry n sad almost cost my life .

Schools wat to do 80% chance of me retaining duhs . nth much to say i see all of my paper no hope liaos nth much to say .

Home haha is there even one whether im at home or not i get what nth wat i get is scolding even to ask buy food . Its like my existence is jus to cook arnd here im not a robot . Ask for money get scolding sometime i wish i was never born .

Anyway did some changes too my blog to one of my fav shows n my fav 3 beautiful ladies .

All this stress im going tru is making me tired . Too tired to do anyting . I get angry easily n when i get to angry it hit my head n ill start to burst whether ur my brother or friends its seems i dont recognize anyone . All this happen after my repeated show of love n concern was being thrown back at my face . I fight the pain for a few weeks but it doesnt seem to go away now i been dreaming bout it . Its horrible truly horrible . If only someone would come by beside me one day n walk with me together down this painful road of life together .

Fight for wat u want x).

2006-08-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

for the past few days been moody angry n full of hate but somehow all of tis disappear yesterday n i told myself no point being angry hate n moody coz u get nth of it if u wan it u hav to fight for it :) from tmr onwards i be my old self happy n cheerful yeh x)

today is the first time i ever play anyting during pe. played basketball n badminton haha go home so sweaty lucky pe was last period xD was fun =P decided to be more active now instead of sticking to my comp everyday x)

Nth much tis week..

2006-07-17T19:52:00.000+08:00

been quite sometime since i last blog. xD i dump all that happen from last sat till today. last sat i go watch re-cycle movie de at orchard there with my classmate fadzly eugene n lester hha the show was scary lor first part v scary n shocking oso my heart omost come out den middle part sort of lame la den the last part is like nth if u watch the show den u understand wat im trying to say -_-" den last week i nvr come to skool for 4 days =x haha well long story la :P den today our hist/ss teacher finally came shes a new teacher i expect her to be fierce n scary but shes a nice person n easy going she said that she didnt came for 3 week coz she was hospitalized ke lian rite sumore she pregnant for 5 months haa. thats all i can say la nth much to write oso v sian nth to do n those who wanan noe my maple ign in cassiopeia its absakidd0 :) lvl 100 nw xD guild ar "DurexEXE" =l stupid lester go make that name la whahaa >:)(push all the blame to him went i was the one who came out with the name for fun n didnt expect him to use it) lol!
ok la write till here le x) who wan cor me chit chat can cor oso at 91629142 or 91429162 i oso cannto remember which is correct but either one is the rite one coz jus change de =l ok cyas.

Wah..

2006-07-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

waa v long nvr blog le last time blog den the nxt day internet kanan cut for a week den the last week of holiday i spent my time with nth haha den skool start...the 1 week of skool so so la can say boring n fun. den train my hermit with another 2 ppl new addition is lester my classmate n old timer u cetus shud noe wei jian aka cetusvvuxian haha now our hermit lvl 87 aiming lvl 89 or 90 today! phew we crazy huh? haha thats all i can write for now..

WootZ.

2006-06-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

Nvr blog for a week? or so hahaha. finally my char is a lvl 72 hermit cool ain't it hehe! n finally theres someting entertaining to watch on sg idol instead of those sad/love song which im getting bored at!

Heres the one im toking about.

original version.

Long time no blog..

2006-06-08T13:55:00.000+08:00

haha been quite sometime since i last blog la nth to say oso ._." i summarise only wat i do now june hol nth to do got hw lazy to do i hate hw! ... den last fri i go watch x-man 3 not bad la some ppl say not nice some ppl say nice i avg i oni like the part they fight hahas. den on sun whole day maple? zz.. from lvl 56 - 60.. 24 hr 2 x exp haha first time i play till like that.. den tis few days nth to do haiz haha wat to do at home watch tv slp tok with friend chat on msn play comp nth much -_-..
lastly my result ... pass 3 subject!! first time! woo hoo only pass English Mt n F&N... -_- the rest all fail wahaha can say only 3 ppl in my class pass like 4 - 5 subject den 6 ppl pass oni 1 subject haha den the rest all pass 3 sub like that.. pathetic right -_-.. coz our class rox so much till the result oso rocking good..

write till here only..

Tired..

2006-05-23T16:41:00.000+08:00

uhh finally got back all my result only pass 2 subject hahas english n mt sad huh but nvm la hahaha almost my whole class pass 2 subject only XD n today took my 2.4km run after escaping for like 4 times haha n stupid teacher say escort us to stadium in the end they take car go there make us walk all the way there stupid lor...den our friend say oni nid to run 4 round they make us run 6 round like wdf la! n that bloody mrs goh keep shouting like one mad woman crazy b***h la we nvr go run kanna scolding den run oso kanna scolding mad ppl... say 2.4km run like exam die die nid to take lol exam if u nvr come nid produce mc den can take if not 0. y not 2.4km run we escape no mc nvr giv us a fail straight away? like die die wan us to take stupid rite giv straight fail easy wat...we run or nvr run oso fail wat stupid lo... anyway heck la at least the hell is over still got 2 more yr of tis bloody ting argggh >_> oh well i gonna go take a shower n on my aircon n go hav a nice cooling slp le run in hot sun make my leg like kanna burn like that...thats all i write fer now bb!

Argh !!

2006-05-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

stupid someone like did someting with my driver now i cant play a single game i try go dl all the driver i get given by maplesea.com the maltrox watever it is all not working wdh..dam pissed sia.. and today during assembly dam fck up -_-" the stupid performance dam lame say play 2 piece at first den in the end they played arnd 5-6 piece x.x! and release us at 2.30 exceed the time limit which is 1.45! ...
thats all i can write ar nth to write le still trying to find wat crap ass driver... grr.. cyas.

"They Wish To Cure Us But I Say We Are The Cure"

2006-05-17T13:36:00.000+08:00

after watching tis trailer i cant wait to watch the movie went its release haha! its way better then the previous movie i think hahaha n storm new hairstyle is so cool man!

Finally...!

2006-05-16T10:23:00.000+08:00

Ouh tired back from skool...last paper today MATHSS! finally..the hell is over! and another hell of my result gonna come soon T_T i bet ill fail most of my paper hahas...especially F&N,Chem,Physic n Maths zZz...

oh well stop toking bout exam~ =x
tmr is a skool holiday wee so happy wahaha! x)

ok la nth to write much =x coz i got nth to write oso -_-..

smilez...

Welcome To My World ! (:

Darren Ng Wei Jie Incident , 1 Nov 2010 News. *my condolences to his family and R.I.P dude*

this post is reserved

Part 3

BEGINNING OF JUNE PART 2

Beginning of June

Broken doors..

new beginning once again..

accumulated once again..

new year new beginning ? ya right .

perhaps

Wonder how and wonder why :X

Double the pain .

Ans: to jinyao blog .

the world calls .

months of pain and tryin to stay strong emotionally .

wonders

despicable humans .

Baams

so far O lvl has been manageable . i hope it will maintain it pace . but the future is uncertain hehe .

Stewpidess day .

On the good note .

Hais .

i dunno..

life move a step forward

Bleuh

Questions questions ....

Argh . sometime i wish i am emotionless .

funny yet happy :D

bored and happy week

untold feelings

end of day

GGness

haaa

YAY !

Hey

New Year

GODLIKE .

meh

photos

HOLY MAMA !

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

heh !

April ? OMG !

fk tis world

...

thurs - fri x)

Ignore R.I. ppl (:

fun monday .

Online Game Acct & Stuff Sale -

Ah 2008 ` <3 :)

Closed

Lalalas.

Wat a weird day ....

Tuesday Sianz Day

FUCK EU JOHN LIM !

Norman Yagami Death Note xPP

12th Day After New Year ...

Heartbroken n sad :(

Charmed Last 2 Episodes .

Hais .

Fight for wat u want x).

Nth much tis week..

Wah..

WootZ.

Long time no blog..

Tired..

Argh !!

"They Wish To Cure Us But I Say We Are The Cure"

Finally...!

Darren Ng Wei Jie Incident , 1 Nov 2010 News. my condolences to his family and R.I.P dude